Blinking your eyes in a pitch-black room, objects become darker and darker due to our pupils adjusting to the lack of light. But as objects grow farther from the eyes view, they tend to blend in with the darkness creating a unity around you. This in itself stirs confusion, tricking the brain that everything that once was individual objects in the daytime have become one in the night. Which brings me to a thought that has been going unanswered since Emerson’s days: How much do you give up of yourself to another without losing your individuality?
Without losing yourself and becoming one with another is a challenge. I applaud the married couples out there making it last as long as they have. It’s not just about the person; it’s what they bring out in you and your response. It’s about keeping the romance alive without living in routine. One can go from relationship to relationship and still keep doing the same old song and dance with different people. The words “I love you” are merely three words that are tossed around like a dog’s chew up toy until one day that toy is completely destroyed and thrown in the trash.
Communication of feeling and thought are so hard to express and as people we are born into a world of lying and deceit and conspiracy that we are always putting up barriers afraid to get hurt. Once we’ve been hurt, the wall just keeps getting higher and higher. We think that as we grow older, everything is supposed to be easier: whoever said that can go suck it because that is obviously not true. Growing up, I’ve encountered so many awkward moments and pointless bull that was so unnecessary for my life. But, without those moments, great ones cannot be made.
Find yourself first. Then once you feel sure, you can give some of you to another. It took me a year and half for me until I could get back into that game of mixed feelings and smiles- just being me with someone else again. A word of advice: Don’t rush it- let it be. Take your time and don’t force anything because I can tell you from experience that just when you least expect it, a turn around will come at you before you even know it.