“The longer a girl stays a virgin, the purer she is; while the longer a guy stays a virgin, the bigger the laughing stock he becomes.” This is one of my favorite quotes I’ve ever seen in a movie. It’s for a sex comedy, American Pie Presents: Naked Mile, in which the main character has to live up to his family name of being a promiscuous jerk. But he is not like them… and I’m not going to spoil more of the movie so if you want to know, see the movie for yourself. Behind all the comedic scenes, it does have an important message. If the girl gives in too soon, she’s considered “easy”, whilst if a guy engages in promiscuous sexual behavior, he is praised for being a real man. Why is that? Why do we put up with this double standard?
We are millenials, and it’s not a big shocker that young adults, like us, are more sexually active as ever. You may even believe that it’s not considered such a huge deal, but people are paying close attention to other people’s sex lives.
I remember being in the 9th grade when a big controversy happened at my school: a female classmate was fooling around with a lot of male classmates (and older guys too) on school grounds… until she got caught. I recall everyone giving her the look, talking behind her back, terrorizing the poor girl. I didn’t talk behind her back… but I did think she was reckless because people found out about her exploits. I didn’t understand back then, but little did I know, I was becoming part of an ignorant crowd, a phenomenon where we are shamelessly hypocritical when it comes to other people’s drama. People called her a slut, a whore, a skank… God knows what else they called her; while the guys received comments like: “You’re the man!” That’s when it hit me. We live in a society filled to the brim with double standards.
This phenomenon of making a woman feel guilty or inferior for participating in certain sexual behaviors is called slut shaming. This includes condemning them for the way they dress, for using birth control, for having pre-marital o casual sex, and being raped or sexually assaulted. This mentality is known for something you might have heard before: “She was asking for it.”
There is nothing that angers me more than to see others insinuate that someone was raped because of how they were dressed or the way they acted. Sometimes I wonder, “What if it happened to you?” When women call each other derogatory names, they’re engaging in judgmental and negative behavior. I’m a former “slut-shamer” myself, and believe me it’s not an easy habit to let go of. But these are the facts: Women should be able to do what they want, the same way as men, without having to suffer from a double standard. If you’re going to be a judgmental person, do it for both sides, don’t just blame it on the girls.
Apart from the now infamous VMA incident (I mean who does NOT know Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke’s failed attempt at being seductive?), there is a singer that actually made a song about this, addressing the hate that women have for each other. Pink wrote a song called “Slut Like You”. Some of the song lyrics consists in things such as: “Listen you little f*cker you think you call the shots, I just bought you some… drunk up your ride’s gone.” and “I’m not a slut, I just love love.” She is referring to that she’s tired of not being able to do the same things guys do, without being asked or judged about it.
No matter what you do, you will be judged, because we live in a society that has some set standards that are not going to change any time soon. This doesn’t mean that you should stop being who you are: it’s all about being yourself. Remember the old adage: “Treat others how you would like to be treated”. Never forget that you are your own individual, and if someone says anything about it, just remind him or her: “I’m a slut, just like you!”
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