This painful Ravenswood promo – I mean Pretty Little Liars Halloween special – left us confused and shocked. But, really, what else is new? The ugly costumes and Clue-theme tried really hard to disguise the fact that this special was setting up the entire plot for Ravenswood, which coincidentally started right after the show. So we still don’t know who A is, but if it’s actually Ezra, I revoke all loyalties I ever had to PLL.
The real kicker: the dead b*tch who started this mess is alive and well, running away in her super inconspicuous red coat from a mysterious villain. Yeah, Ali is back.
Graveyard Party
Cue our favorite foursome strutting in to Ravenswood, our number one creepy town where color schemes sometimes change to black and white. The girls are dressed and ready for some casual Halloween fun. At a graveyard party. Because that’s normal. We aren’t really sure what any of them are supposed to be dressed as, but we’ll go with the prostitutes from Les Mis. As long as Emily has an ugly bow-tie and Aria has a weird top hat, the costumes make sense. “Hefty Hanna” insists on complaining about her tight corset, and her boobs are everywhere.
When they see the suspicious guy who we previously had no idea was suspicious, Hannah suggests, “we ask the scumbag if he is A,” for which she is verbally attacked by the other girls. As incredibly annoying as Hanna is, they might want to start listening to her common sense suggestion after 4 years of almost-being-murdered.
Bus Ride to Ravenswood
Look, Miranda, we get that you didn’t want to sit next to McCreepy on the back of the bus, but there were plenty of other seats to choose from besides right next to Hanna’s boy. I’m glad you and Caleb could bond over being orphans and having uncles.
How long does it take to get to Ravenswood? They spend a solid half of the episode on the bus. It feels like Caleb is emotionally cheating on Hanna here, but then again we really don’t care.
Typical Ravenswood Catacomb
The girls spy red coat, yet again, but are still unable to catch up to her (we expected this from the others, but come on Emily). Naturally, this leads them to stumble upon a slab of rock that, when pushed aside, leads to a catacomb! Of course they get stuck inside, where powerful underground winds (?) cause them to hold hands and scream really loud. Hanna goes missing while they’re all screaming – because if she’s going to lose her boyfriend, we might as well let her get all of the attention. And obviously the catacombs lead to an antiquated mansion.
Old Mansion Funeral Home?
Hanna’s fervent curiosity leads her to an old-fashioned phone booth in the mansion – and as we know, no pretty little liar can enter an enclosed area without getting trapped. It’s a rule of thumb. Hanna sees Ali’s face through the fogged glass.
Miranda lets herself into the mansion owned by the uncle she’s never met. Caleb’s two gals come face to face when Miranda lets Hanna out of the phone booth. The girls stumble upon several random coffins in a room. These somehow relate to Miranda’s personal-history subplot, which we completely ignore.
We eventually find Aria, Spencer and Emily in the mansion, alluding to big historical words like “Prohibition” and “Underground Railroad.” Spencer has a little tête-à-tête with the gas-mask guy – in the greenhouse, with the garden shears. *CLUE THEME*
THE ENDING…
Hannah gives her boyfriend permission to stay and live with the pretty new girl he befriended in the last few hours. Smooth transition, Ravenswood writers. The girls suspected Ali was romping around the mansion, but it was just a tape recording playing her voice. Mrs. Grunwald and her creepy eyes make an appearance, and the girls leave to find their car with slashed tires. Spencer asks if anyone knows how to change a tire, and Emily wins PLL MVP when she responds, “Are you looking at me cause I’m gay?”
Ezra conveniently shows up right on time to give the girls a lift. When he drops them off and drives away, we can finally bask in the satisfaction that we were right all along: ALI IS STILL ALIVE. So we think. PLL writers have the liberty to do whatever they want, so we will see just how alive Ali is when season 4 returns. The once queen-bee acts freaked out and un-Ali-like and disappears when Ezra returns to hand Aria her cell phone.
Major take-aways:
– Ali’s alive.
– We still have no idea who is head of the A Team.
– Ravenswood will potentially be the worst show ever.