Dear Elle,
It seems like everyone and their grandmother is Harvard-married and really happy about it. I’ve been single for a REALLY long time. How do I keep from killing everyone?
HCXO,
Future Cat Lady of America
Dear FCLA,
Cats are awesome. Good work on that.
You know how everyone tells you to slow down and appreciate the young, single, twenty-something life, and then never actually tells you how to do it? Yeah, they suck. But unless you have a gift for making happy couples break up on command (this only happened to me ONCE) then the single people of the world have to figure out how to deal. Bad coping strategies include: lying in wait for your coupled-off friends to split in a public and painful manner, posting #aggressive tweets about how much you hate PDA, and getting into an exclusive, committed relationship with Ben and Jerry.
I could just tell you to get a new hobby and go meet new people!!! Or I could tell you what actually works, so I’ll do that. Picking up something new can be a good thing, but the overall point of this college thing is to invest some time in YOU. Sure, having a significant other is super, but romantic relationships take so much emotional energy that even the Harvard-marrieds wish they had a break sometimes. It’s normal. I know you feel alone now, but the other side of that coin is a certain kind of freedom you can’t get anywhere else. Tap into that. It’s incredibly liberating.
Another thing to think about is what you’re actually looking for—and whether or not you already have it. I could kick myself for the number of times I’ve wished I had that loved, cared for feeling you get in really solid romantic relationships… Without realizing that I DID have that. My friends love me and care about me just as much as any S/O has, and—not for nothing—they’ve outlasted a few of them. Just because that kind of love isn’t romantic doesn’t make it any less meaningful or important.
Even better, you can give back to the circle of platonic love! If you’re feeling especially lonely then put extra effort that week into making sure that a friend (or a stranger) doesn’t feel that way, too. Love is like raw cookie dough—it’s better when you share it.
Hope this helped a bit. I’m sure that your Next Big Thing is on their way, but you deserve to enjoy your vacation from romance while they get here.
HCXO,
Elle