Learning As I Go: When Women Stop Hating Each Other’s Bodies

As summer approaches, it seems that accompanying the excitement of summer is a pressure to get back in the gym.  We all hear and say the same thing we do right before spring break:  I’ve got to get back into shape.  Working out as a stress reliever or to like the way you look is one thing, but when it stems from outside pressure to look good it can be a damaging thing.  Often times we blame Victoria’s Secret and male expectations, but as I traced the lineage of the female pressure to look good, I found something very disheartening and enlightening.

As women, we often talk about the unfair outside pressure to have perfect bodies, but as I began to analyze the accused sources of such pressure, I realized we may be off-target a little bit.  It all started when I was on Pinterest one afternoon, and what was supposed to be a five minute way to kill time had turned into the usual compulsive marathon of “pinning.”  I was just about to pin something about getting my dream brazilian butt when I realized, I neither wanted nor cared to do this work out.  Did other girls really care to have a six pack and raging biceps?  Do girls expect each other to look this way?  That is when it all began to make sense.

When I think about pressure to look good, I immediately think of Victoria’s Secret.  As I sat there, looking at my computer screen, it occurred to me that I never actually felt the pressure to look like a lingerie model because I was not one; therefore, no one expected me to look like one.  We continually blame these models, and while I do think the models are not necessarily the healthiest image for girls to attempt to model themselves after, neither the magazine nor the store has told girls to do that.  If that were the case, they would not be selling 38DD or XL sizes.  Sure, we may feel inadequate when flipping through glossy pages, but they have continually made sizes for all figures.  Swimsuit and lingerie models are not the only group we tend to blame.

We blame men.  We know that when we wear bikinis, usually the people we care to impress are guys.  Since I have been in college, I have noticed something.  Guys do not care.  As much as they would love for us to look like models, they do not expect us to.  Countless times I have heard a guy talk about how hot some girl is and I never would have thought she looked that great.  I have thrown on an outfit and complained about “back fat” or something ridiculous and my guy friends simply get a puzzled look and say “I have no idea what you are even talking about.”  And you know what, it’s true, they truly have no idea.  With guys, we only assume their expectations are so high.  I can remember plenty of times I’ve been in a room with a group of friends and suddenly hear a girl call another girl fat, suddenly you hear a couple guys barking “Are you kidding?,” or “She is so hot!” and girls are surprised.  It seems that maybe the ones being critical here are not the media or guys, but ourselves.

I look at my Pinterest home page, and what I see only confirms my suspicion.  Models and companies do not tell us to look perfect for swimsuits.  They make sizes for all bodies.  While guys may wish we were models with 32D’s, most of them do not expect that and the majority would not know what to say to us if we did look that way.  My home page is covered with sculpted arms and perfectly curved bottoms, being pinned by girls who feel the need to meet the expectation of other girls.  You never hear models bashing everyday women’s bodies, and most men are not the culprits because they do not expect us to be perfect.  The hateful comments about weight and jiggle are usually coming from other girls.

The drive to look good and take pride in appearance is normal and healthy.  However, it seems that as women we feel some level of pressure to look a certain way.  The issue has a disturbing and comforting side.  The disturbing and sad part is that women are the ones pressuring each other and calling each other fat.  We are the ones criticizing each other’s bodies and raising the bar of expectation on how to look.  The comforting part is that fixing the issue is entirely in our hands.  Since it is our own attitudes that need changing, we are more than capable of doing so.  

My wish is that we did not have to worry about looking a certain way.  In truth, that will never be the case.  However, we can change the way we see each other, and when we do this we change the way we see ourselves.  If we adopt reasonable expectations and positive attitudes towards each other’s looks, we can adopt reasonable expectations and positive attitudes towards our own appearances.  The catch is this:  We can only do this once women stop hating each other’s bodies.