Getting Over Your Ex in 7 Steps

It happened. Whether you were the heartbreakee or the heartbreaker, your heart is broken. Maybe you dated for years or only a few months, regardless your heart still deserves time to heal. We’ve all been there and for some of us, it ain’t our first rodeo either. Well ladies, I promise you that these steps will help lead you down the path to Single-and-Ready-to-Mingle-town or I’m-super-fabulous-ville, which are both great places to live. So put down that pint of ice cream, take off your gross sweatpants, and stop watching The Notebook on repeat, because it is time to move on!

1. Cry it out. If you haven’t already naturally begun to let your emotions flow, try watching a sad movie or video. Crying can be very cathartic and helpful in this process. Plus repressing your emotions only sets you back until the day they leap forward out of the dark recesses of your mind. Trust me on this one, just go ahead and sob.

2. Cut it off. Whether they say “I hope we can still be friends” or anything about staying in touch, you need to cut all lines of communication with your ex ASAP. In order to put them behind you and truly move on, you can’t see their daily updates on Facebook or Twitter or have their number to call at 3 am because you miss them. Don’t. do. it. Defriend them, unfollow them, unlinked in them—whatever. Delete their number and email from your phone, change your Facebook relationship status (DISCREETLY) and be done. 

3. Clear it out. Anything that reminds you of your ex needs to be put in a box and put away somewhere. Obviously if you have something they might want back (ie. in high school, a letterman’s jacket) of course offer to return it to them. Anything else that will keep you reminiscing? Put it in the box. That t-shirt of theirs that smelled like them, the gifts they gave you, that stuffed bear from your first date, pictures of you together, that mixed tape they gave you—EVERYTHING. I mean it. Now take that box and either give it to a friend or put it up in the attic or somewhere away from you. This is so that in your moment of weakness you can’t just pull it back out and reminisce. 

3. Write it out. Buy a journal or write it on your computer but let it out. You need an outlet for all of the emotions you’re feeling that surpass crying. Or even write a letter to your ex wondering that you will NOT send. Or even better, write a letter to your ex’s future partner warning them about all the crappy things they do. It will help you remind yourself why they weren’t perfect and how blind love can be to certain behaviors. You may even find yourself repulsed that you dated this person for so long by the end of it.

4. Talk it out. Your friends and family are a resource who care about you and of course want to help you through this difficult time. However, you also don’t want to become the friend who can’t move on and won’t stop talking about their ex. If after a few months you still seem to talk about your ex, you may want to consider seeing a professional who can help you from an unbiased point of view. 

5. Work it out. Working out or even just getting active for 30 minutes can help increase those happy endorphins that may be running low after a breakup. Even if it’s just a walk around the block with your friend, it will help clear your mind. Especially if you’re in the “angry” phase of your breakup, there is nothing quite as satisfying as kicking the crap out of a punching bag. Plus, you never know, if you joined a gym or a new club sports team you might just meet someone cute!

6. Laugh it out. Don’t forget the amazing magical qualities of a girl’s night in with your best friends watching funny movies or playing cards against humanity and laughing until you cry (the good kind). Remember, it took Charlotte sh*tting her pants for Carrie to laugh again. You may find you like cheating on your new boyfriends Ben & Jerry with “She’s the Man,” “Mean Girls,” or “Anchorman.”

7. Wait it out. Unfortunately with most relationships the best way to get over someone is time. You will need time to wallow, to grieve, to be angry, and to move on. And one day you’ll wake up and you’ll realize the sun is still shining, your friends and family love you, and that today is a brand new day. And you won’t even think about your ex. And you’ll smile and laugh and enjoy the new day and you never know, you might just meet someone new.