What Happened Last Night? Age Differences, Jumbo Sex, & The Friend Zone…

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I’ve hooked up with a guy a few times this semester. It’s been nothing serious, mainly just booty calls late at night, but we also text in a friendly manner during the week sometimes. However, the sex hasn’t been that great and so I don’t want to hookup with him again. The only thing is that I don’t know how to say it without being rude. I’ve never broken up with anyone before, and while this will hardly be a “breakup” it’s still ending something, and I don’t know how to do it.

There’s nothing worse than getting that breakup text when you were never an item. You don’t need to end something that never was a thing.  Don’t respond to his next few texts and he’ll back off, considering he probably never saw you as anything but a slam piece.

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I think I am in love with someone 2 years younger than me… what do I do?

Age ain’t nuthin’ but a numba. Play on playa, and if you can’t roll, then roll out.

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A girl I know just told me she had sex in the basement of a frat. She seemed proud. I didn’t know how to respond.

We’d probably like this girl more than you. At least her story’s better than yours.

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I got head underneath the elephant outside of Barnum.

We hope the elephant wasn’t the only Jumbo she saw that night ;)

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There is this sophomore girl, who I have been friends with, and she always tells me I’m her favorite freshman and I think she’s really cute and want to hook up with her. Last weekend we danced a lot in at a frat, but I was too afraid to make a move. Should I just go for it this weekend?

Honey, a girl thinks anything is cute, from her Pomeranian pooch to her diamond encrusted vibrator. Seems like you’re stuck in the friend zone. Unless you lose the “favorite freshman” title and man it up, she won’t look at you as anything more.

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I got black out drunk and was alone with him for at least a half hour. I have no clue what I said and he’s acting relatively normal but way more flirty. Did I come on to him? If so, does it mean he wants me to make a move?

If he’s suddenly acting different, chances are you said something suggestive in your drunken state. As they say, alcohol is a truth serum (most of the time). Since you already made the first move, wait for him to respond. Good luck.  

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Last night me and this blonde girl named Brooke I think snuck off into the frat bathroom. She poured me a shot and I took it. She asked me if I was blacked out and I replied no. She then reached into her purse and pulled out a rusted lead pipe and swung it at me. I went out cold. I woke up with a pounding headache and dried blood stuck to the side of my face and hair. I was being dragged by my feet which were tied with thick heavy chains by a figure in a hooded cloak. The figure was singing songs to herself when I burst out in horror. The figure revealed itself with a snickering laugh. It was Brooke. I tried to escape but my hands were tied together. She told me as she dragged me back to her cottage in the woods that she was going to put me into a cauldron and make a stew out of me. “One fifth of Svedka, three lizards tails, the eye of a newt, and one human pure in soul” she told herself in whispers as she stirred the concoction. I was frightened that I would never see the light of day again. But then she stopped. She looked at me and said. “JAYYY KAYYY” and held me tight and made out with my face like ive never experienced. She unchained me and we frolicked out of the magical forest back to the frat party where we drank lots of beer and made out some more.

We don’t know what you’re on, but keep it up. You’ve intrigued us, and that’s hard to do.  

Photos courtesy of: queeky.com, weheartit.com, flipme.com

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