“But time makes you bolder, children get older, I’m getting older too.” –Stevie Nicks, Landslide.
During Winter Break of my freshman year, I experienced the first of many unpleasant altercations with my mother. Of course, like other college kids, I have had disagreements with my parental figures. This time, however, I could tell something was different. On this particular evening, I was at a friend’s house with a few other people. After playing countless rounds of Mario Kart, going on fast-food runs, and catching up around a bonfire, time slipped away from me. Before I knew it, it was approaching 1:00 AM. But, I had no worries about time; I had stayed out this late before in high school with parental consent. Yet, around 1:30, I got an angry call from my mom, insisting that I come home because it was way too late. I was shocked, to say the least, and a bit angry. I was an 18 year old college student who lived on her own accord at school. I felt that my mom was treating me like I was still a little kid.
Now, almost two years later and having experienced more situations like that, I realized something. Maybe, just maybe, it is not only us, the college students, who have major adjustments to go through. While we’re busy transforming from teens into full-fledged adults, our parents are undergoing a change of their own. They have watched us grow from bouncy babies to terrifying teenagers, sometimes not knowing exactly what to do or what boundaries to set during our shifting phases of life. Just as before, our parents are trying to figure out how to be a parent to an adult. However, now that we are becoming adults, we can do things to help make our parent’s lives a little easier (because really, I think we’ve given our parents enough problems over the years).
Stop, Collaborate, and Listen
One sort of obvious way to build a strong relationship with your parents is open communication. If they do something that makes you feel uncomfortable or demeans you as an adult, let them know about it as soon as possible! Letting all your feelings build up will only make the issue more complicated. Explain in a polite and respectable manner how you’re feeling the moment you get a chance. Also, be open enough to listen to your parent’s opinion on the matter as well. If you truly want your parents to treat you like an adult, you actually have to act like one (shocking, I realize). Sulking about the problem and becoming angry will not fix anything; the same thing will happen next time unless you speak up. Remember, you’re not a little kid anymore and it is okay to speak your mind, as long as you’re still respectful. For example, maybe your mother, father, step-parent, grandparent, etc. critiques what you wear all the time and claims that it is not age appropriate. Instead of just rolling your eyes or brushing it off your shoulder time and time again, explain to them how you feel. Ask them what they specifically don’t like about the way you dress and suggest compromises. Maturely addressing the problem will allow you to an opportunity to embrace being an adult. Also, it might open your parent’s eyes so they will see that you really are growing up and no longer need so much influence.
The Landslide
“Landslide”, the famous song performed by Stevie Nicks (and later the Dixie Chicks) is all about the struggle of growing up and getting older (if you haven’t heard it before, seriously, go listen, it’s amazing). With this song in mind, put yourself in your parent’s shoes. They have literally witnessed the human life cycle through you. If you have a younger sibling, you might be able to better relate to the idea of watching someone grow up. Sure, you’ve lived your life and have experienced all the fun little changes in yourself. However, when you actually see someone else grow up and age, it’s very different. How do you think you would feel if your baby was suddenly already an adult? Well, that feeling is exactly what your parents are going through. In case you didn’t know, time does go by pretty fast. Even though you might feel like you’ve lived a long time and that you were a child forever ago, it doesn’t seem that way to the people who raised you. It is quite plausible that your parents are going through a very serious internal struggle, which could account for their wish to keep you a kid forever. Just keep that in mind when they nag you to call them every day and ask that you don’t say out too late.
You’re Almost There
I am not sure if you are aware of this…but…you’re actually pretty young. Even though college students reach the age where they are technically no longer teenagers, being in your early 20s doesn’t necessarily make you an adult. It’s true, having your parents cut your steak for you or constantly fix your hair in public might be a bit much, but sometimes you just have to take a step back and remember that you really aren’t an adult. Let’s be honest, our parents are going to do little things that will annoy us for the rest of our lives, and those little things we should let slide. If your parents bother you by always ask who you’re texting or pester you to do your homework, don’t fret over it. Pick your battles carefully and try to not let those little annoyances bother you. We all play different roles in our lives: daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, girlfriend, student, etc., and constantly switch seamlessly between them throughout the course of an entire day. To achieve that perfect balance between being a young adult and a child, would it really be that difficult to humor your parents just a little? Seriously, sometimes, just let your parents be parents. You only get to be a kid for a little while; why not enjoy it as long as you can?