- The Cold Shoulder
This is the guy you’ve seen around campus before and with a little liquid confidence you decide to chat him up at a party and you guys hit it off. You leave the party together and head somewhere quieter where you’ll have “a chance to talk”…. He’ll likely sneak out of your dorm/apartment as soon as you fall asleep. But, don’t worry! Next time you see him he’ll for sure have his head in his phone texting or doing anything and everything to avoid making eye contact with you. While it seemed mutually agreed upon that it wouldn’t be a repeat event, he feels the need to make this crystal clear by literally pretending he doesn’t know you or “can’t see you.” Don’t take it personally, girls. Chances are, it wasn’t true love anyway.
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- The Secret Virgin
This is the guy who desperately tries to swipe that v-card every single weekend. For whatever reason, we pick up on this and limit the hook-up accordingly. The give away is that the next day, someone will casually ask about your hookup: “Saw you leave with Joe last nigh…. how was that ;) ?? And they’ll be quite disappointed when you let on that he’s still a virgin, it’s just not so secret. While not-by-choice virgins in college are sort of like unicorns, they do exist. Hopefully they’ll find an equally naïve princess soon! But, I gotta hand it to the small minority of guys choosing to wait till marriage. Clearly you have more willpower than your peers.
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- The Stage Five Clinger
This is the guy that manages to get your number after hooking up with you once and decides it’s going to be a weekly thing. Cue the 1 am texts, or 11 pm if he’s a real clinger, inquiring about your plans for the night. Read: he wants to be in them or more specifically, in your bed. People say girls are clingy, clearly they’ve never met the stage- five-clinger. Some college guys are desperate to have girls on tap, which probably stems from a fear of not being able to find another girl to hook up with him (says the therapist in me). This type needs very clear signals that you’re not so easily tied down. And more importantly, that he’s no “panty dropper”.
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- The Older Guy
This is the guy who gets signed into freshman and sophomore dorms every weekend. Clearly this is the best way for a younger girl to get invited to the “hottest parties on campus.” But, you only believe that if you’re a total idiot. How to spot this guy? Well there’s a good chance he lives in Brown House and tries to pull off Ryan- Gosling-esque lines… “wanna get out of here?” And by get out of here he means, drag you through a sweaty party in his house full of freshman girls, kick out the people already hooking up on his bed and lock his door ensuring privacy in his stuffy, disaster-of-a-room paradise. But don’t worry girls, you’ll be guaranteed a spot on the guest list for the next sweat fest of a party.
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- The Surprisingly Chivalrous
This is the guy who does the little things in the one-time hookup. Maybe he leaves a note when he sneaks out in the middle of the night. Or perhaps he offers to take you out to breakfast before never speaking to you again. That’s right ladies, chivalry isn’t dead after all. It just looks a heck of a lot different. If he’s nice enough to even ask about protection, you know he’s a good guy. A word to the wise: don’t boast about this guy to your mom. She will never view our version of chivalry as valid. In fact, most college hookups are best if not shared with mom.
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Obviously these are only five types of guys with which you can share an incredibly romantic, “one-for-the-books,” college hookup. While college guys are a special breed, us ladies are not blameless. When we get dolled up to go out, we rarely dress conservatively with the objective of having nice conversation with a guy we’ve never met. Read: keep in mind, sometimes we’re inviting the attention. While Thursdays at Bandolero ARE a hotbed for true love, sometimes we decide to be realistic and give in to the hookup culture. So enjoy it while you can, and embrace the experience of “love in a college town.”