Bogged Down Boyfriends

Finals are upon us again (and I know this because I spent a lot of quality time with a giant bowl of chips and an ungodly mound of books at 3am last night). You’re breaking out, losing sleep, and feeling extremely irritable under all the stress, but sometimes it’s important to remember that so is your guy.

Guys don’t generally verbalize their frustrations when they’re stressed so it’s easy to assume that they’re not secretly tearing their hair out. But it’s important to give them support when they’re feeling overwhelmed the way you would want a nice massage on a bad day. Just make sure you do it the right way.

1)   No, they don’t want to talk about it: Guys often fall very silent when something’s bothering them as oppose to throwing a 10-minute tantrum like we do, and it’s because, unlike us, they know that talking about it won’t make their homework disappear. So instead of prying for words and making him talk about his feelings, try slipping an encouraging note in his textbook or leaving chocolate next to his pens as a nonverbal gesture to let him know you care.

2)   Don’t be a mom: He already has one mom telling him to sleep earlier or study harder and he certainly doesn’t need you to “solve his problems.” Although we’re always inclined to give advice to our girlfriends, and it always comes from a loving place, advice isn’t always what a guy wants to hear. Sometimes it’s enough to just acknowledge his stress and sympathize with him, so don’t go telling him how he should change his study habits. He can handle it on his own, he’s a big boy now.

3)   Do not compare: Saying “at least you only have two papers to write. I have three,” not only doesn’t help him feel better, it’ll make you an object of competition. And competition, no matter how friendly, is always stressful. Guys are naturally wired to be eager to take on a challenge, so telling him how much more stressed you are than he is will only make him want to prove you wrong. I guess you could say you made him want to work harder, but he’s now also more stressed which can’t be good for him or your relationship.

4)   Fill in the gaps: When we have three finals the next day, the last thing we care about is putting on blush. In the same way, when your guy has his plate full, he’ll probably be skimping on his normal routine as well. Offer to do his laundry or pick up coffee. I’m sure anything to lighten his daily load will be greatly appreciated. 

photo credit: http://resources3.news.com.au/…