In the book “Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start being Yourself,” Beverly Engel talks about the disappearing woman — someone who surrenders their individuality to being in a relationship. This disappearing woman can’t help but put her lover’s needs ahead of her own, lose herself in relationships and neglects family, friends, and her responsibilities. Sound like you? Take this quiz to see if you are a disappearing act.
Source: chadstutzman.com
1. Has your wardrobe changed since dating him?
a. No, my boyfriend doesn’t know anything about fashion
b. I wear his band T-shirts almost every day
c. I will ask his opinion and take his advice sometimes
2. When someone asks you a question, you respond with:
a. I think…
b. My boyfriend thinks…
c. My boyfriend thinks…, but I think….
3. Your last date was:
a. A movie of my choice
b. Hanging out in the garage with his buddies
c. Going to a concert you have both been waiting for
4. When is the last time you just hung out with the girls:
a. Just last night
b. Friends? Who?
c. Your best friend’s birthday party last month
5. Your fights usually end with:
a. Talking things out and moving on
b. Saying “It’s all my fault”
c. You win some you lose some
6. When someone is describing you they would say:
a. “She likes cats”
b. “She’s John’s girlfriend”
c. “She likes cats, and she’s John’s girlfriend”
7. Have your hobbies changed?
a. No, I still love my me time
b. Yes, I now realize that what I used to love is stupid
c. I don’t have as much time for myself anymore
8. How do you feel about his bad habits?
a. I love him, but there are one or two that have to change
b. They are cute
c. I’m getting used to them
9. What does your Facebook look like?
a. Albums of my family, friends and boyfriend
b. My boyfriend’s fan page, full of links to his accomplishments
c. Lots of pictures of me and my boyfriend…but only ones that I look good in
10. When did you say he was “the one?”
a. After a few months of serious dating
b. Before we met
c. On the third date
ANSWER KEY:
Mostly As: Independent Lady
You are good at balancing your life with your boyfriend, as well as your social life with your girlfriends. While loving your man, you can still have your own personality and sense of individuality. Not afraid to speak your mind and have a different opinion from your boyfriend, you guys get along famously respecting each other’s differences.
Mostly Bs: Disappearing act
You are the kind of girl who loves to be in love. Falling hard so fast, you lose the “me” in “we.” You need to reevaluate who you were before you started dating, and if you have changed too much (which you probably have). Your opinions are no longer your own, but a combination of what your man thinks is best. Take some time for yourself, and don’t be afraid to like something that is different.
Mostly Cs: Half way there
Maintaining some personal identity, you are still on your way to becoming a disappearing woman. You are in the puppy love stage, slowly choosing your man over your friends. Be careful to not get too caught up in the dating game. You are beginning to accept your boyfriend’s bad habits and agree with his views that you might have disagreed on earlier. Before your friends give up on trying to make plans with you, set aside some time with them before you get too caught up in being in a relationship.