So here you are, ladies. It’s spring semester of your senior year and all your thoughts are focused toward the future. You’ll walk across that stage and get your diploma very soon – that’s for sure. But what happens next? Maybe you’ve landed a great job in the big city. Maybe you’re on your way to med school. Or … maybe you’re getting married.
Yes, you read that right – getting married. While the median age at first marriage has been steadily increasing, there is still a small percentage of college students who are planning an engagement party not long after their graduation party. Back in the ‘80s, the median age of marriage in the United States was about 25 years for men and 21 years for women. As of 2010, the median age of marriage was 28.2 years for men and 26.1 for women, yet many campus couples are making the transition to married life much younger!
Is the ‘Mrs. Degree’ making a comeback?
Take, for example, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. It is hard to find a student on UNC’s large campus who doesn’t know at least one engaged person. But apparently, this shouldn’t be too surprising.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia and other southern states boast a higher marriage rate than the national average. Northern states like Pennsylvania, New York, and Massachusetts, on the other hand, typically report lower marriage rates than the national average.
The traditional – some would say, “old-fashioned,” – nature of the South has long encouraged marriage and an early start to creating a family. “The South puts such a focus on having a family as fast as you can,” says Victoria*, a sophomore at UNC-Chapel Hill. “It’s what every girl wants in the South.”
The traditional values of the South historically led to the phenomenon that we know as the “Mrs. Degree.” Call it a tradition or a stereotype, the Mrs. Degree simply implies that a girl goes to college for the sole purpose of finding a husband.
While the Mrs. Degree may have been a legitimate justification for attending college at one point in time, it has now been turned primarily into a joke. Even the southern belles don’t take the 1950s-esque Mrs. Degree very seriously anymore. A column from The Red and Black, a student-run publication of the University of Georgia, satirized the Mrs. Degree by saying, “A Southern Belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.”
As a collegiette born and raised in the South, Victoria says she knows of a few girls who still dream of obtaining that Mrs. Degree to avoid having to work for the rest of their lives, but that it is definitely not as common as it used to be.
“College is a good place to find what kind of person you like, but I think saying you’re coming to college just to find a husband is a waste of time,” she says. Victoria is spending her time at UNC to pursue a career in health care and gain independence.
“I don’t want to be married until I’m out of college and independent, personally,” she says.
The young Southern collegents seem to be on the same page, too. Jamey*, also a sophomore at UNC, says that he can’t see himself getting engaged any time soon. “For me personally, I want to get out of college first,” he says, “so that I can get out into the real world and mature more before I venture into something like that.”
The Mrs. Degree’s fall from favor can be at least partially attributed to the advancements in educational and professional opportunities for women. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the percentage of wives earning more than their husbands has been steadily increasing since the 1980s and the wage gap between women’s and men’s salaries continues to shrink.
“Nowadays, women have more opportunities,” says Austin*, a UNC sophomore. “Their best profession isn’t necessarily being a mom anymore, whereas in the past, that was about all that was available to them.”
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Collegiettes Who Earned Their “Ring Before Spring”
Despite the declining popularity of the traditional Mrs. Degree, many collegiettes in serious relationships still end up with a “ring before spring,” — their beaus pop the question before or during the spring semester of their senior year.
Virginia*, a senior at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va., got her ring during the spring of her junior year. Her fiancé, Justin*, is a senior at the United States Military Academy at West Point. Justin popped the question last April while they were both juniors, and now these high school sweethearts are planning a wedding for the September after they graduate.
Unlike other campus couples, Virginia and Justin face one unique obstacle: the Army. After graduation, Justin will have to go to Oklahoma to begin his required military service. Virginia says the Army did somewhat motivate their decision to get married soon because they are eager to start their lives together after four years of long-distance!
Travis Styres and Frazer Hinman, another pair of high school sweethearts, are getting married this June, just a month after they both graduate from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Frazer put a ring on it back in the fall, but the couple, who has been together for over six years, had been seriously discussing marriage since their sophomore year of college.
Travis and Virginia are both collegiettes who got their rings before spring, but these two collegiettes are breaking the mold of the traditional Mrs. Degree.
Breaking the Mrs. Degree Stereotype
Travis and Virginia represent a new kind of Mrs. Degree – one that will be put to good use alongside that of their fiancés, rather than collecting dust in an overpriced mahogany frame.
Travis will be putting her “Mrs. Degree” to work right away. She’ll be starting law school the fall after she graduates and she’s taking her hubby-to-be along with her! Frazer plans to find a job and then pursue an M.B.A. once Travis finishes up law school.
Similarly, Virginia will be using her modern Mrs. Degree to follow her dream and support her man at the same time. Many military girlfriends, fiancés and wives find it difficult to maintain a stable career while their partner is sent around the country and around the world. Virginia, however, will begin her career as an event planner immediately, which means that their long-distance relationship will have to continue for at least a little while longer.
“I love [Justin’s] decision to serve our country, and I support him entirely, but it is a two-way street,” she says. “If I stopped doing what I love, stopped being excited about my career, I think it would show in our relationship.”
This new approach to the Mrs. Degree is the product of young love and big dreams, but as both Travis and Virginia will tell you, balancing a budding career and a marriage is just one of the obstacles facing modern campus couples.
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The challenges to young married life
In addition to figuring out how to get the most out of their Mrs. Degrees, collegiettes with rings before spring overcome obstacles such as starting married life and adult life at the same time and the all-too-common judgment from others.
Because the adult brain is still maturing in both males and females throughout young adulthood, youth is often seen as a challenge to maintaining a happy marriage.
Virginia says she gets the typical, “You’re so young” comment all the time from people who find out she’s engaged. “I find it infuriating to hear,” she says. “I had no idea that finding your best friend and someone you can’t wait to love everyday forever had an age restriction.”
Similarly, Travis has noticed some shocked faces when she tells people how early she and Frazer are getting married. She and Frazer, like Virginia and Justin, recognize the challenges they face, but are ready to take them on together nonetheless.
“It’s definitely hard because we have so much less stability than older couples,” Travis says. “We know we’re getting married on June 8th, but we don’t know where we’re going to live or what source of income we’ll have.”
Despite these obstacles, the couple remains positive and excited about what the future holds for them. “There’s less of our individual lives to consolidate,” Frazer says.
“Yeah, we get to start early and learn everything together,” Travis adds with a glowing smile.
Fortunately for these couples, some of the statistics are on their side. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that women with at least a bachelor’s degree have a 78 percent chance of having a first marriage that lasts at least 20 years, while for women with just a high school diploma, the probability is just 41 percent.
Austin, our southern gentleman from UNC, has seen firsthand how young marriages can be successful because his parents got married and had children while they were still in college.
“It depends on how committed the people are,” he says. “If you get married early, it’s not so much that you are right for each other; it’s that you are committed to making it work.”
Judgments and logistical obstacles aside, today’s ring-before-spring couples are ready to take on the world together – with a little help from the modern Mrs. Degree.
*Names were changed to protect identities