It’s a classic sitcom episode: girl meets boy, boy meets dad, dad gets shotgun. No matter how many times it’s played, the scene is sure to get a laugh or two. I’ve been learning from experience, though, that this gag isn’t nearly as funny in real life. If you’re like me, your family is a big part of your life. When your new (or not-so-new) beau is unwelcome around your home, emotions can and will run high. Here are a few tips to keep your head high and your boyfriend out of the emergency room.
- Look before you leap.
If you’re going to go through this much emotional pain and drama for a man, he’d better be worth it. I’m serious. This isn’t as easy as you think it will be. Sure, you’re a grown-up, but if you’re just tearing your world apart to prove your adulthood to daddy, you’re only going to break hearts… including your own.
Before you even keep reading, ask yourself one question. Could I marry this man one day? If the answer isn’t at least “maybe,” I’d recommend just staying friends.
- Don’t force interaction.
If your parents don’t want to meet him, don’t make them. As much as I’d like to see the “big happy family” part of the sitcom, I know that the mere mention of my boyfriend’s name raises my parents’ blood pressures. Dropping him among them would only be cruel and awkward.
I won’t promise that your beau will ever be completely accepted. Even though your parents may have to meet him eventually, this isn’t something that can be forced. Be patient. Just like any relationship, this process must happen naturally.
- Don’t choose between your family and your significant other.
If everyone’s playing fair, you’ll never have to choose between the two halves of your heart. Unfortunately, no one’s promising to play fair. Eventually, your parents might tell you to break up or make yourself scarce. Similarly, your significant other may have his fill of the drama and ask you who’s more important. This is wrong for either party to do. It’s cruel and unloving, and unfortunately, it has happened to me.
You must refuse to play this game. Have enough respect for yourself to know that you don’t have to answer anyone’s ultimatums. To your parents, respond very calmly. Assure them that your decisions are your own and cannot be theirs, but your love always will be. If their decision is to avoid you for a while, so be it, but you will forgive them whenever they want you back.
My boyfriend has told me that as long as I want to keep making it work, he’s behind me. If he ever changed his mind, I would understand. Bear in mind that your heroic gentleman is choosing this drama in order to be with you. That takes a lot of love. Respect that.
If you’re struggling through the emotional jungle of family vs. valentine, you’ve got a lot on your mind. Don’t worry too much, though. If a relationship is really supposed to happen, it will. Honor your father and mother, even while loving your guy with everything you have. My man says, “Whatever happens, we’re going to handle it like grown-ups. That’s why we’ll be okay.” If you follow the same motto, I’m sure you will be, too.