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I’ve had feelings for my best guy friend for awhile. Whenever we drink together, we have sex and he always initiates it, but we literally never talk about it when we’re sober. I don’t know if this means he has feelings for me and is too nervous when he’s sober to acknowledge them, but I want to talk about this with him. How should I go about doing that? – Friends With Benefits at Bard
Friends With Benefits,
This sounds like a very confusing and frankly really awkward situation. Obviously you need to talk to him about it before you have sex again. Judging from this guy’s total silence, I’m worried your friend is being driven by simple physical attraction for you, exacerbated by alcohol. His silence seems to indicate he does not envision a relationship with you. He is attracted to you, but he’s letting something more superficial lead you on when you have serious romantic feelings for him. Think about it this way: what would he be nervous about if he knew you liked him enough to sleep with him?
I know this must be so hard to hear, but you need to prepare yourself for the possibility of more than just rejection. This may spoil your friendship, since he has been unfair to you by not being honest about his feelings. As soon as you have a chance, straightforwardly ask him how he feels about what happened and what he would like to happen to the pair of you. You’re beyond worrying about being clingy. He’s put you in an uncomfortable situation, and you need to be honest about this without getting angry or upset. If he is evasive or rejects your feelings, you’ll need to cut him out of your life. This guy is not worth the confusion he has caused you if he’s not going to consider your feelings.