Remember in Middle School when you stole your mom’s makeup, wore pants that said ‘Juicy’ on the butt, and lusted after the stars of Laguna Beach? Can you recall those wondrous years when your greatest desires weren’t to go to medical school or travel Europe but rather to be invited to the weekend’s biggest event–– the infamous bar mitzvah party, where you might just get the chance to slow dance with the pre-pubescent stud on the pee wee hockey team?
As much as I’d love to answer with a rousing ‘no’, I must admit that often, my middle school years are clearer in my mind than last Saturday night. I promise I’m not attempting to make you re-live your awkward prime just to be mean; rather, I’m attempting to reach backward to see if we can maybe gain a little bit of wisdom from these seemingly useless years of existence.
Middle school is all about ‘fitting in’—about making sure that every projection of your self blends with what is considered socially ‘acceptable’ by your peers. You like math…? Better not show it, because as Gretchen Weiners’ from Mean Girls articulates so well, if you break the social rules, then, “You can’t sit with us!” Trapped in fear of being forced to eat your lunch in a bathroom stall, you’re obliged to conform to the norm–– to “fake it till you make it.”
This phrase, ‘fake it till you make it,’ made me think. Maybe, all those years of middle school weren’t completely useless after all. Most of us learned how to ‘fake it’ until we ‘made it’ in the political, carnivorous and hostile world of the middle school social scene–– and learning this skill is certainly critical for life.
Let me explain–– When I say, “Fake it till you make it,” I mean it in a very different, much more grown up manifestation of its middle school significance. The phrase doesn’t mean you should act like you’re “too cool,” or tirelessly follow the trends in Vogue. This ‘fake it till you make it’ 2.0 is all about confidence. It’s about acknowledging that, often, there will be moments in life that will scare you. They’ll jump out of the blue, and you won’t know how to handle them. However, if you go into these situations with an “I can do this!” attitude, often you’ll find that you can convince yourself of your capabilities–an “I can” becomes “I did.”
The term ‘self fulfilling prophecy,’ coined by sociologist Robert K. Murton, describes this very phenomenon. He writes, “A prediction about the outcome of a situation can invoke a new behavior that leads to the prediction coming true.”
For example, if I believed to my very core that I was going to fail my Bio midterm, I might change the strategies I would normally use to study for the test, and I would probably fail. While I may have a good chance of passing, my negative thoughts would get in the way of my performance, and my belief could become reality. Psychological research shows that the self-fulfilling prophecy is relevant for negative predictions such as this, but equally useful in optimistic predictions. These findings show that the beliefs you hold have a tremendous impact on your future.
So what steps can you take to (optimistically) fake it till you make it? Here are a few tips…
1. Have a Selective Memory
Your performance is all about perspective. If you’re trying something that you’ve had difficulty with in the past, try to look back to your small successes for inspiration and don’t dwell on your failures.
2. Be ‘The Little Engine that Could”
When things aren’t going your way, just keep chugging along and tell yourself that you CAN do it. You might just have a self-fulfilling prophecy!
3. Laugh a Little
Studies have found that laughter releases endorphins that elevate levels of confidence! A good laugh can bring you back down to earth when things seem overwhelming or impossible.
4. All Talk and No Walk? Follow Through!
When you make goals for yourself, follow through with them! This will help you develop a mindset for success, making it much easier to be confident about your progress. Whatever your goals are, make sure that you really, truly believe in them and that they reflect your own wishes and aspirations.
5. Be Enthusiastic!
When you project happiness, it rubs off on others and also onto yourself. Even if you are having a rough day, a simple smile can make all the difference. Attitude is everything!
The New York Times featured a study conducted by Dr. Hajo Adam in which 74 students were randomly assigned to wear identical coats—some were told they were wearing a doctor’s coat and some were told they had a painter’s coat. They were then told to look at two very similar pictures side by side and spot four very minor differences as quickly as possible. Those who wore the ‘doctors’ coat found more differences at a much faster rate. They managed to have a heightened sense of attention, purely from the perception they held of their coat. They faked it… and it worked! Just as these students did, you can don your ‘doctors coat’ and proceed with confidence.