I sat there staring at my computer screen. Somehow, I was convinced that if I clicked the refresh button enough times an email from him would magically appear. It was the morning of my 22nd birthday and all I wanted was to hear him say, “Happy Birthday, babe.” While this request seemed simple, it was impossible. My boyfriend is stationed in San Diego as a proud member of our nation’s Navy. At the time, he had been shipped out for seven months on a deployment earlier that year.
After two hours of waiting (impatiently I might add) I closed my laptop and gave up. It wasn’t that he had forgotten my birthday; he just had no way of getting to a co
mputer or phone. For many girls dating someone in the military, this seems all too familiar. Along with birthday wishes forgone, deployments bring lonely months and limited conversation. In a situation such as this, are there any real ways to cope?
As months went by, I developed coping mechanisms and creative ways to pass the time. I even learned a little bit about myself along the way. While what I did may not work for everyone, hopefully some of my experience will help others looking to make deployments bearable. So, here are my tips:
Pack care packages tightly: Care packages are perhaps the most common and helpful way of staying close to your sweetie. Nothing warms a heart more than letters, photos and (of course!) something tasty to eat. Let’s face it, the food they’re getting isn’t your homemade macaroni and cheese recipe. However, you can still send them treats to say “I’m thinking of you.” If you are a cookie expert, now is your time to shine. Commonly sent food items like cookies, crackers and hot sauce to pep-up their meals are always a hit. Also, be careful when sending items that easily melt. My boyfriend once had a box of Milk Duds that became a milk brick by the time the package arrived. Don’t forget to pack items tightly and use bubble wrap! You can never go wrong with sending shampoo, razors and other toiletry items – just make sure to use duct tape and pack tightly. Thanks to me, many of the boxes sent to his ship in July were soaked in Suave shampoo because I forgot this simple rule.
Be patient with him: Deployments bring out many emotions. Expect him to be a little testy and irritable at times. He has no physical, mental or emotional escape, and you will never be able to fully understand what he is going through. Respecting and caring about each other is key. There may be times when both of you will be on the edge, but those emotions are perfectly normal. While we have had our cell phones, laptops and iPads to communicate to our friends, he hasn’t had that. As hard as it may be at times, don’t emotionally shut down. He needs you there caring for him and supporting him. It’s a tough job, but focusing on the good can make the situation easier.
Also, let him keep a secret. I can’t count the number of times that I wanted so badly to know where he was and what he was doing. When we finally got a 15-minute phone call, the answer was always the same,”I can’t tell you.” As frustrating as this is, it’s part of being a military girlfriend. This ambiguity makes it hard to schedule Skype or phone calls, so always have your phone on loud and close by. Nothing is more disheartening than missing a call. When he is in port or at a location where he can reach you, enjoy every second. Remember, he may need the conversation more than you do.
Get a new hobby: Deployment, although unwanted, can serve as a time of self-reflection. Getting to know yourself can be scary, but in the end you realize how strong you really are. It was during my boyfriend’s deployment that I discovered a love for cooking and scrapbooking. My recipe box grew daily, and my mind was kept busy with trips to the craft store. Find something you love and get into it. Another option is going to the gym. Working out is a great way to pass the time. Plus you will look and feel better when your loved one finally returns.
Network: Remember while your significant other is away, you don’t have to go through it alone. In a world dominated by social media, it is all too easy to find connections on Facebook and Twitter. There are several military girlfriend groups that serve as a place to connect, share and support others going through the same thing. While your friends are important to have, they may not understand your current relationship situation. Having someone who personally understands the difficulties of deployment makes all the difference. Don’t be scared to put yourself out there! Just be careful when handing out personal information.
As that day drew to a close, I turned on my laptop and fell into bed. Waiting on my Facebook page was a video from him wishing me “Happy Birthday.” He had taken the time to record a video on his laptop, transfer it to a CD, and then upload and send it to me on the ship’s computer. Moments like that made me remember why I was waiting. I was waiting for someone special, and he was too. Deployment doesn’t have to be the end to a relationship; it can be the start of something even greater.
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