How To Dillo Like a Bro

Welcome to the Bro Blog!

In light of our special Northwestern event tomorrow, the bloggers will be helping us learn how to Dillo like a bro.

Check out what the boys have to say and enjoy:)

Looking for a specific blogger? Click on their names to navigate to their post!
J.P. Bowgen
Mike Mallazzo
Ben Shartar
Northwestern Guy
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So Dillo Day is coming up in less than a week. We’re all excited, but I’m sure you’re wondering how to Dillo like a bro. It’s a once in a lifetime experience, other than the fact that you have four of them, so listen closely.

But do me one quick favor: don’t write me off just yet. I know I’m a freshman, but as a certified bro blogger, I have some say in how to have an awesome day of “dartying.” I know we don’t go to a state school, so here is a quick vocabulary lesson. Day + party = darty. Got it? Good. 

Okay, so the day is going to start nice and early. Step one is not to drink the night before. You want to have an awesome Dillo Day and hangovers are not the way to begin. Bring a pair of cheap sunglasses like the ones you get for free during the first weeks of school. You can’t have people knowing you’re drunk by looking you directly in the eyes. Plus, they make you look like a boss, so it’s a win-win situation. 

Don’t start your day off with anything hard. I know, girls, it’s difficult to succumb to anything less than a shot, but you don’t want to be out of commission before the good acts hit the stage. Not to mention, you’ll look completely ridiculous if you’re escorted from the concert before noon. 

Always have a solo cup in hand. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, so take your time once you’re pleasantly drunk. For those of you who are 21, you can have a solo cup in your hand on the Lakefill as well. There is a beer garden just for those who are of legal age, so take advantage of it. 

Don’t stay in one place. Move around to different off campus houses and be a presence on Dillo Day. This is the biggest day of the year and all of Northwestern will be out socializing. Meet people you haven’t met before. It’ll be easy if you’re drunk—trust me. It’s the end of the year, so live it up a little bit. Get to the front of the stage for your favorite act and let loose. An entire year of raging culminates in this giant celebration of the armadillo. 

Think of the most ridiculous night of partying you’ve had up to this point. Multiply it by 10. Make May 26th that good, if not better. You’ll have stories to tell to your children for years. That is, once they’re old enough.
   
Go to the next page for Mike’s bro blog!
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Happy Dillo Day Ladies, 
I know that you’ve fallen in love with the softer side of the bro blog. I understand that you read this page because it is the one place where a guy speaks honestly and isn’t afraid to divulge the fact that beneath his “COME TO MY PARTY” frat tank, he has a soft underside of vulnerability. However, this week the nice guy is on hiatus replaced because it’s Dillo Day which is also known as the day where it is socially acceptable for every member of the Northwestern community to be a total menace to the kind residents of Evanston. So in honor of our high holiday, I present with a blog that tells you how to dillo like a true chauvinist, frat$tar, Tucker Max bro. 

1) Don’t you dare wear a shirt with sleeves: Frat tanks only- No Exceptions.

2) Wear so much neon that it looks like Electric Daisy Carnival threw up all over Evanston.

3) Talk like you know who Steve Aoki is. Normal people don’t know nor particularly give a damn who Steve Aoki and can honestly say that his music sounds like an armadillo humping speakers. But fratstars love or at least pretend to love his stuff so be sure to talk about how much of an electronic genius he is. 

4) Pre-game while blasting dubstep. Everything I said about Steve Aoki also pertains to dubstep. 

5) Continually mention how Reel Big Fish was your favorite band in 8th grade. Between the two of us, I know you’ve never heard of Reel Big Fish or this thing called “ska” but in order to Dillo like a bro, you’ll have to trust me on this one. 

6) Repeatedly say how you’re pissed that Mayfest didn’t book O.A.R. or Dave Matthews Band.
 
7) Blackout at 9 A.M. and then repeatedly tell people how you don’t even remember jumping on stage and telling Morty you want to be his mistress. 

8) Write #YOLO somewhere on your body.

9) Drunkenly call your mom to tell her you love her.
 
10) Kiss a girl. This might as well be the day and cherry chapstick just tastes so good.

In all seriousness, please be safe on Dillo Day. I care about my each and every one of my readers and I want everyone to have good, clean, American fun and to survive and read my bro blog next week. Be smart ladies!

The nice guy always wins in the end,
Mike
   
Ben’s got something to say… keep going!!!
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So you want to Dillo like a bro? Do you really? Frankly, I don’t think you can handle it. The Ability to bro is really something you are born with, and not something that we can really teach. However, on the day of fantastic endeavours, hot messes, and great memories you will only semi-remember that is Dillo Day, I guess I could help you out.

 Let’s start with the wardrobe. It has to be breathable so you don’t overheat in your already dehydrated state. Typical items you might see a bro wearing: sperries, rainbows, croakies, LAX tanks, polos, sleeveless shirts, fratty shorts, etc. Wear something that you can move in, and is breathable. I will probably be opting for a sleeveless shirt or tank this year because it provides a lightweight and breathable top, and also highlights one of our more underrated performances of Dillo Day 2012: The Gun Show. Suns out guns out all day.

 The bro is not just in how he dresses. Bro is also a state of mind. You may have heard many bros as well as their sorority counterparts chanting “YOLO” lately. That is because the bro is laid back. The bro does not care, and the bro just has a good time. If you want to enjoy Dillo Day, forget about school. This is your day to celebrate. Congratulations! You are in one of the best schools in the country and you have succeeded in not failing again! I would say you have some things to celebrate. Enjoy the sun, enjoy the music, enjoy the people, and enjoy the freedom. Forget about the work and just Dillo.

 Now, on to a very serious issue. However, this part of the post is reserved for our 21+ readers who happen to be thirsty for some libations. Now I will not come on here and endorse heavy drinking on these days. I also will certainly not say that “Shower Beers” are for amateurs, and if you are serious about broing out, you will do a “Shower 40” (40: Slang for 40 oz bottle of malt liquor available at most liquor stores in the Evanston area). That would just be irresponsible. But in seriousness, be responsible. There is a difference between having a good time and being a dumbass. Don’t be a dumbass. While bros might be dumb sometimes, we are not dumbasses, we drink just enough to enjoy ourselves. Be the bro this Dillo deserves, be safe, and make it memorable.

Read what “Northwestern Guy” has to say!
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Hey ladies. You ready for the biggest day of the year? You know, the one filled with day drinking, fratty attire, and concerts…that is, if you make it through the first two. If you’re a freshman girl, don’t even plan on making it to the concerts, your two-shot tolerance won’t be enough for the 6 hours of tailgating. If you can’t tell at this point, this blog is dedicated to Dillo Day, and how the bros plan on spending it. Topic of the Week: How to Dillo like a bro.

Bro Dillo Day Schedule
-Start drinking at 8
-Tailgate by 9:30
-Concerts whenever someone good comes on (AKA Steve Aoki and Big Boi if he does the OutKast songs)

But first things first, you gotta get your Dillo Day attire, which is described in one word – fratty. Even if you’re a G.D.I., or just self-described “not fratty,” you need to suck it up because that’s all anyone wears on Dillo Day. So here’s what I’m wearing starting from bottom up. Shoes: Sperry’s. Shorts: Seersucker – any color, preferably something colorful. Shirt: Frat Tank – really wanted to get the “America – Winner of Two World Wars” tank with the American flag, but got lazy and forgot to order. It’s a mistake that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my days. Shades: You gotta get some Ray Bans. And a hat, it can basically be anything, so long as it doesn’t look like Smalls’ from “The Sandlot.”

Now the only thing left to do is Frat Hard. You know what this means, get wasted, be rowdy, don’t stop until you pass out. The laws of Evanston are optional, and there is no way I’ll be observing any of them except in an extreme circumstance. I remember when the Police rolled up with the Paddy Wagon to a tailgate two years ago. You think that slowed us down? No. Did we run when they stormed the backyard? Absolutely. I’m tryna have fun now AND still get a job later.

This is the best day of the year ladies. The one-day where we shed our uptight, stuffy, highly acclaimed private institution image. The one day where you get to be wild and out of your mind. The day where college takes on its true meaning. Have fun ladies, I know I will.

*This is a fictional tale of what male students allegedly do on Northwestern’s Armadillo Day. The Bro Blog does not condone any illegal or dangerous activities
 
 
Curious who “Northwestern Guy” is? Check out his profile… maybe you can figure it out!

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