Blink Blink Blink goes the cursor on my blank word document. I had been sitting there for 40 minutes brainstorming for my next article, vetoing all my own thoughts within seconds of thinking them. It was the middle of a hot day in Riverside, my roommate was fast asleep and I had two hours to figure this out and get ready for lecture.The Doorbell rings. I try to pretend I didn’t hear it because if I heard it that would mean I would have to put on pants. Thedoorbell rings again. FINE! It’s not like I was making any progress anyways. I slip on some random boxers and stomp to the doortrying avoid the angry barking Chihuahua. I then open the door which in turn will let in all the heat to find that that there’s two boys at my door, one of them being my former housemates now ex boyfriend.You’re probably wondering, what the heck is he doing at your door? Is he there to express his undying love, beg for forgiveness, get on his hands and knees until she takes him back?! (Never mind that she doesn’t live here anymore, that’s beside the point.) It’s a no to all those scenarios. He came…to pick up his game console.
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The exchanging of stuff, the best part of a break up. Nothing is more fun than meeting post relationship to give your ex back that sweater he once said looked cute on you. Unless the guy cheated on you which would mean you immediately decided he was nothing more but a picture to burn (or sweater, jeans, baseball hat), you have to return his crap at some point. Just two weekends ago I had the “fun” opportunity of getting a phone call before 9 AM. It was my ex-boyfriend, informing me he was on his way with all my things. PANIC MODE. I have less than 10 minutes to look ravishing, my eyelids feel like they’re glued shut and I’m still puffy form crying myself to sleep the night before. Learn from my mistakes people!! Do not, EVER, meet to trade stuff while you’re still sad. It’s the equivalent of pouring salt on your wounds. Before you so much as start putting his things in a plastic bag, make sure you can answer yes these following statements.
1. The last time I cried was at least a week ago. The only exception to this rule was if you watched the Grey’s Anatomy season finale. (I’m still coping with those issues myself.)
2. I have not stalked his Facebook in a week. This includes constantly checking if he is online and reading past messaged between the two of you.
3. I am no longer angry and wishing he gets some horribly disgusting STD.
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4. I have the perfect outfit put together in my mind for when we do exchange things. (He could die on the car ride home, don’t you want him to remember that you were looking hot?)
If you can say yes to all those statements then keep these tips in mind before sending him a text. While you don’t want to be angry anymore, don’tforgive and forget just yet. He most likely was a jerk….remember that. Also, try not to wait too long before getting your stuff and when you do, do it as quickly as possible. Make a list of everything you’d like back so you’re not stuck having to meet up again. (Still waiting on my mom’s expensive Tupperware bowl, you know who you are!!)
While exchanging items has got to be the third hardest thing about a breakup (one and two being the actual break up and seeing him with another girl for the first time), it’s exactly the closure you need to get over someone. Don’t be me at 13. I kept my first love’s sweater, well, until I fell in love again at 17. No I was not smelling it or wearing it to sleep! I’m not a total creep. But in the back of my mind I always knew it was there, hidden in the back of my closet.
And just remember this as you open the door to the guy who hurt you, you may be itching with temptation to punch him in the face, but think of how pissed he’ll be once he notices all the teeny tiny holes you cut into his favorite tshirt. In the words of Taylor Swift, “there’s nothing I do better than revenge”. Well, that and write these bitter and in my opinion very educational articles.