We Broke Up, Now What?

Strangely I was having a good day. I woke up at 6 AM to finish a group research paper that I essentially wrote on my own and spent the morning preparing for a quiz on gender theory. I was on Day 2 of my no pants challenge and having a fabulous hair day. I scurried off to school and began looking for a place to park my beach cruiser. As I finished turning my key on the bike lock I reached to grab my insanely heavy purse. I turn around and FLASH. Some jerk on a speed bike came so close to hitting me he caused my bangs to get all out of place. I quickly turn to give him my trademark evil stare when I see him, smiling as he bikes away. I know that smile, I recognize those washed 10 times too many khaki shorts, the blue patch on his backpack…it’s my most recent ex!!

F^%$!! No! No! No! No! I had planned out this moment in my mind. I was supposed to be laughing for one (to show that I had moved on and was living a fabulously funny life), my boobs needed to be at their full potential (not hidden under a shirt that showed as much skin as a parka), but most importantly almost getting run over was not part of the plan!

Let’s be realistic, UC Riverside is a small campus. There’s a very high chance of running into that boy you kissed at that Halloween party your freshmen year. What can a girl do to avoid awkward situations that I for some reason experience on a daily basis? (Hey, at least it gives me something to write about though.) There’s only one thing you can do to avoid awkwardly passing an ex, learn how to actually stay friends after a break up. That’s right, when you say “we should stay friends,” learn to follow through with that statement.

With every failed relationship I always try to remain friends with the poor soul who didn’t live up to my standard of absolute perfection. (It’s my article so deal with my conceitedness.) My best friend in the whole world, who I can go weeks without speaking to yet call out of the blue with a crisis and know he will be there for me, was my first boyfriend. (Love you James!) It took me almost four years to so much as to say hello to my first love after we broke up, yet duringthose years of silence I always remembered to wish him a happy birthday. I know what you’re thinking, I must be demented to want to stay in contact with boys who broke my heart, made me cry, and dumped me at some point in time. While I am a bit stranger than the average person, I do this because every boy I’ve dated I have shares experiences with. There are jokes that only they will get, references that willonly make sense to them and memories that can’t be erased. Only my ex-boyfriends can fully understand me when I speak at full speed, they will forever remember my love for candy and french fries, and I know whenever they see anything Hello Kitty or Taylor Swift that I’ll cross their minds.

This all sounds peachy and great, but how do I do it? How do I go from plotting my revenge to becoming close/best friends with the guy? ( This most often ends up being the case.) First you have to meet these four basic requirements before even attempting to be friends.

1. Let time pass. Don’t rush into being friends days after breaking up, it just doesn’t work that way.

2. You must be 100% over him. This doesn’t mean that you won’t get back together or fall for each other again, just make sure you aren’t trying to befriend the guy solely to get back with him.

3. If you can’t have a conversation with him without referencing your relationship or starting a fight, let more time pass!

4. And lastly, you have to forgive both him and yourself. You both messed up in some way, let it go. Go ahead and forgive him, but never forget. I remember everything because I’m a freak like that, but that doesn’t mean I bring up some big fight we had months ago.