No matter how hard you may try from falling victim to the discomfort and anxiety that come hand in hand with the inherent locking of eyes, we all find ourselves caught up in the social trap of awkward eye contact. There are times where I wish I could make like a ostrich and bury my head in the sand, but unfortunately, I am not a giant bird, and must deal with the consequences of having wandering eyes. They say that eyes are windows to the soul. Here are how I categorize my awkward experiences while “soul searching”:
Gym Jam
Mirrors, giant reflecting windows, closely positioned machines — it’s as if the gym gods got together and decided that they wanted to make it practically impossible to avoid engaging in some sort of unwanted and uncomfortable exchange of glances. There is also the chance that you are trying to so hard to avoid looking at one person, that you end up staring at another. Once you realize that the guy doing abs in front of you feels like you drilled a hole in the middle of his face with your eyes, it’s probably a little too late.
Blacked-Out Lovers
Last night you two were practically inseparable — drinks in hand, intertwined arms, locked lips. It was almost like a frat party adaptation of The Notebook. This morning you aren’t sure whether to wave, hug, smile, half-smile, pretend to text or crawl
under the nearest table and hide. The second you spot him, without fail, the never ending flow of questions start popping into your head- “Did I give him my number? Maybe he texted me. *check phone* OK, no new texts–what if he has a girlfriend? Maybe that’s not even him! I should find out. I should Facebook stalk him! What a good idea, yay me! Wait…what was his name? Chris? Ryan? Joe? It was definitely Chris. Or maybe that was his brother’s name…” You’re not really sure what his name is, so should you say hi to someone who you cannot even address properly? That being said, you two did engage in a very friendly game of tonsil hockey, so there is some sort of bond there. Is it the type of bond that requires mutual acknowledgement? Definitely. You’ve decided that if your eyes meet, a cute “hey!” and smile should do the trick. Amidst all the internal chaos of trying to figure out what to do, your eyes lock and you freeze. Three seconds and an incredibly uncomfortable stare session later, you decide that you should probably have just hidden under the table.
Little Miss Deja Vu
It’s more than just a familiar face– you know for a fact that you have met this person at least once, but their name or anything about them completely escapes you. It almost seems as if the harder you try to remember who they are, the more your brain turns into a black hole, and any recollection you may have had of this person is just
sucked in and lost forever. You don’t go out of your way to acknowledge this person, but if eyes meet, you give a slight nod or smile. This happens on a somewhat regular basis, but their name usually remains a mystery until you are at some sort of social gathering, at which point you may not-so-soberly stumble over to this person and say something along the lines of “I’m sorry, but I see you like…EVERYWHERE and I just can’t remember you’re name, we’ve met, right?” You engage in a short conversation, and usually you find out everything you have ever wondered about them. Unfortunately, half of the time, you won’t remember it the next morning, and will find yourself back where you started.
Peek-A-Boo
You see me. I turn around. I see you. You turn around. I turn around. You see me again. It may have started off as friendly or flirty, but by the time you finally decide to just stop looking in said person’s direction, you feel like a broken bobble head. So goes the never-ending, always awkward game of eye tag.