So, your roommate has a new boyfriend. Despite all of her previous declarations of “being single in college is so much more fun” and “I love not being tied down,” she’s totally head-over-heels for this guy. So now instead of ogling prospects at the caf, she’s ranting about her “perfect” new man. And like the nice roomie you are, you painstakingly listen to her stories. The first time around. Once she starts going into repeat mode with, “Oh, did I tell you about the time when Bobby…,” it’s hard to refrain from a sarcastic eye roll or temporary zone out.
When your roommate is in a relationship, communication and compromise are of the utmost importance. Contact and communication are essential for their relationship as well, so expect a lot of texting, phone calls, Skyping, and visits. It’s likely that within her bubble of happiness, she’ll temporarily forget that you have an 8 a.m. class and hearing her Skype with Bobby until 2:30 in the morning won’t give you the good sleep you had in mind. If this becomes a normal thing, try asking your roommate to set a time limit. Something like, “Would you mind if you stopped talking to Bobby by midnight? I really need my sleep” is a nice yet direct way to get the point across to her.
A couple weeks later your roommate approaches you: “Hey, is it cool if Bobby comes to visit this weekend?” You quickly make a list of possible alternative sleeping arrangements in your head.
“Yeah, that’s cool,” you reply with a smile. After all, you’d want her to do the same if the situation was reversed. It can be a tricky situation when your roommate has their boyfriend up to visit them; are they going to be in the room? Do they expect you to leave? You probably want to avoid any potential awkward moments, but also want to remember that it is your room too. I’ve found that the best method for situations like these is communication. It probably seems obvious, but your roommate won’t know what you’re thinking or what your plans are unless you tell her.
If the boyfriend does or says something that makes your uncomfortable, say something right away. Letting him (and your roommate) know that he can’t step out of line will establish right away that you won’t put up with any ‘funny business’.
If a problem arises amidst the boyfriend’s stay, address it promptly. If you don’t want him putting his clothes all over your desk, let him know. Even if it’s a seemingly trivial issue, getting it out in the open as soon as you can is the best way to keep things friendly between the three of you. If you’re not comfortable with your roommate’s man, you can just as easily address any problems to her. After all, you were nice enough to let him stay in your room! When tackling any problems, make sure you’re addressing them in an optimistic way. Let your roommate know you’re happy for her, but you want to compromise on a few things. Taking a delicate approach will help both of you and will more likely result in a solution that you can both live with.
Looking at the situation from her point of view is important. Even if you don’t currently have a boyfriend, imagine if you did-you wouldn’t exactly want her to play third wheel all weekend. Taking a walk in her shoes will help you to better navigate the situation. If you both have boyfriends, talk to her in advance to set up a schedule of who is coming and going when. You don’t want to be caught in a situation when you both need the room for the same night. Being on an every-other-weekend rotation is an easy and fair solution to sharing weekend visitation times.
Having a back-up plan for any unexpected visits by your roommate’s boyfriend is a good idea. Talk to a friend and make her your go-to girl to spend nights with if you need to be out of your room for the evening. Make sure to let her know you’ll reciprocate the favor if it’s ever needed, too.
The weekends shouldn’t be stressful. And, with the right amounts of communication and preparation between you and your roommate, they don’t have to be.