The Poser– We all know this one. He walks around campus with his backwards hat and Sperrys. He plays football in your apartment complex or outside your dorm shirtless (with his less-than-impressive body.) You sit in your room thinking …“Honestly, all guys have to do to stay in shape is 2 crunches a day.” So do them, Poser. He pretends he never studies but makes straight A’s. He acts like he could fight any other bro that crosses his path. He pretends to have been with countless women, know every sex move, and “gets some” every weekend. He is constantly bragging to his bros about the amount of “action” he gets. The Poser pretends he wrote the Kama Sutra. When in reality, he probably can’t even spell Kama Sutra. He’s probably reading this blog and simultaneously googling Kama Sutra. Let’s be honest, on a scale of one to Ryan Gosling, this poser is merely a 3. But don’t be fooled, he pretends to get with 10’s and makes you feel like you’re a 5 at best. When we all know you’re a solid 8. Steer clear of the Poser, ladies, because his performance in bed is even less impressive than his body or his grades.
The Take-You-Home-to-Mom-Invite-You-to-Christmas-Stage 5- Clinger– YIKES! This guy gets awkward FAST. Guys always pretend that they don’t think about love or marriage, but they do. At least some of them do. This guy is looking for someone to bring home to his crazy mother. He imagines what you two would look like in matching madras outfits having picnics by the river. After an encounter with this clinger, you wake up with a text that says “Good morning Beautiful, I had so much fun last night.” Insert one million smiley faces. All of that is cute, if you were dating. He treats you like his girlfriend, when you think of him as a hook-up buddy. Nothing says that it can’t turn into more, but dang get off my case a little. A few weeks into your hook-ups, you hear those dreadful words. “Hey, my mom is coming up this weekend; do you want to meet her?” No. Just no. I don’t want to meet your mother when the only times we even see each other are between the hours of 11 p.m. and 3 a.m.  A piece of advice girls…run, just run. Unless you’re ready for a future of matching Christmas sweaters and weekly movies with the in-laws, find someone else to occupy your time.
The Silent Killer– This is the cute guy in the back of class. He never really talks but he always smiles and holds the door open for you. He always does his homework and answers questions in class. He’s not nerdy, but he is definitely focused. You probably assume he has a girlfriend and that’s why he’s not automatically fawning over you (like our friend, the Poser.) He seems polite but quiet, totally not your style. You honestly don’t think he could ever handle your over-the-top personality. By chance, you guys end up at the same party and one thing leads to another and BAM. Wait, what? Is this the same quiet guy from the back of class? You know that old saying, “it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for.” It should be “it’s the quiet and sweet ones you have to watch out for… to rock your freaking world.”
The Self-Absorbed Narcissistic Fancy Pants- This dude is almost as bad as the Poser. He’s probably better in bed, though. Instead of pretending he is good at stuff, he actually is good. He is handsome, smart, and athletic. He is the total package. You love hooking up with him, but it’s always about him. What he likes, where he likes it, when he can make time, him, him, him. This is extremely annoying and downright frustrating. So then the question becomes…is a little action worth the hassle? Answer: no. Because if you ever succeeded in making him fall deeply in love with you and he begged you to be his girlfriend, he’d act the same. You’ve already showed him it’s okay to be a cocky self-absorbed douche. Drop this guy, because trust me, there are plenty of guys that are willing to make changes and arrange their schedule around you when they want a little somethin-somethin.
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