From a College Guy: It’s Not You

Ouch. We all know what that means. I became particularly familiar with the impending sting about a month ago when a girl I had been dating informed me one Friday night that she needed more time to focus on other relationships. I know you collegiettes out there have been on the receiving end of the “It’s not you” so I don’t need to describe the whirlwind of emotions that follow in its wake, and believe me, it doesn’t matter what guys say, we grieve the same as you! By this I mean Ben and Jerry and their close friend Haagen Das were an excellent source of comfort that weekend, not to mention several slices of cake from Aromas, two mugs of cider, five hot chocolates, and two Philly cheesesteak sandwiches. As you can tell, if I had been left to my own devices, I would have borne a striking resemblance to Tom Hansen from 500 Days of Summer (If you haven’t seen it you should). 
                  Thankfully, this was not the case. A close, non TWAMP friend of mine insisted I leave my room and spend every possible moment with friends. As much as I resented the suggestion, this friend had been right about other things, namely, the cause of my grief. This was the single best decision I have made since arriving here. That weekend, I met over thirty new people, most of whom I became good friends with; “discovered” the gardens of the governor’s palace; and most importantly, I became involved in an organization on campus that is run by the most caring, genuine, and all around wonderful people I have met at the college. So profound was their impact on me, that after knowing them for less than a month, I agreed to go to Haiti with them in January to build houses. Can you say best break up ever!  
Not that this single experience has made me an expert on the subject of break ups but here are some thoughts that, when you are dealing with the “It’s not you”, may provide a measure of encouragement and food for thought (Note: Food for thought is NOT meant to replace actual break up food).

1. Take my friend’s advice. Get out of your dorm! Even if you’re a mess spending time with people who care about you will make you feel better.
2. Say Yes… To everything… within reason. Adopt a positive mentality. Being open to trying new things will make you happier even after the pain is gone. It was this very mindset that landed me in the organization I mentioned.
3. Remove all negative thoughts from your mind concerning the person who hurt you. Being angry, sad, bitter, or mad will not change your situation. It WILL make you say things you regret when you realize that at a college the size of W&M you will see that person. Rather, spend your time wishing blessings on that person, this well help you be the bigger person when that inevitable awkward run in happens.
4. Enjoy the beauty of Williamsburg. We live in a unique place that has so much natural beauty regardless of the time of year. Embrace this, go for a walk (preferably with a friend), climb a tree by the Sunken Garden, or complete the triathlon if you are so inclined.
5. Don’t dwell on what could have been. Ending close relationships hurts but you have must move on! Apply for an internship, study abroad, or go on a mini vacation if you must. Just don’t let your mind become dominated by the past. 

Ladies, I know it’s tough, but be strong and never forget that the next fellow may be just around the corner! As for me, I happily look forward to what (and who) the future holds for me.