As the nights in Leeds draw in and the weather gets colder, couples start to emerge from nowhere and attack the single soul inside of you. Christmas is around the corner, but this is the holiday where couples seem to conspire against singletons and group together on ice-rinks, holding hands just to remind you of your single status. The recurring image comes to your mind of being surrounded by millions of cats while the classic Bridget Jones’ song ‘All By Myself,’ is playing in the background.
Okay, maybe I am exaggerating, and I know I sound like a typically depressed single girl, but it all makes me come back to the myth of finding ‘the one’ at university!
I remember when I was younger, and would always seem to see older friends who had come back from university having found ‘the one’ that they apparently want to marry. You would meet your parents’ friends and they would have that clichéd conversation:
A: ‘Oh how did you meet again?’
B: ‘Our eyes met at university and we fell in love.’
Because of this, I always assumed that university was where you found that special someone. This idea was reinforced by my parents, and I went to university thinking that at some point I would meet my future husband. I have a right to be doubly annoyed about this, as I am 22 this year, and have already experienced two full years at another university. I have yet to meet anyone who has made my heart flutter and convinced me that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them. As a result, when I came to Leeds I thought: ‘new start and new experiences, maybe this will be my time!?’ How wrong I was! If my ideal man is a drunken idiot that just wants to play the dating game then my search is over.
I am not saying that you cannot meet great boys at university, because you can. I have some amazing male friends and the boys on my course are lovely. I am really happy in myself, but when a lot of your friends are in relationships it is hard to avoid the sense of a reality check. I notice this especially when I go home. Most of my friends have graduated with their university other-halves and can see a future with them. It sometimes makes me ask: ‘what am I doing wrong?’
The media constantly reinforces this idea that happiness equals being in a relationship. The typical protagonist always seems to start off insecure, unstable and feeling like something is missing, until they fall in love and everything makes perfect sense. I love watching romantic comedies but afterwards I feel immediately down and crave that love for myself. At those points, being single can feel like the worst thing on earth.
Every girl deserves to have that special someone to cuddle up with, but is university really the place to meet them? The boys I encounter at the typical Fruity Friday just want to play the field and are not ‘ready’ for a relationship. In reality they don’t want anyone tying them down and like being known as ‘single’, so they are free to do what they want on a night out. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I love being single. I can organise my time around me and don’t have to work somebody else into my schedule. I can go out and be free, not having to worry about a boyfriend. I just think boys over complicate things; if you like someone then you should go for it. Why should being the ‘big’ player at university change this? The line ‘I like you but I just don’t want a relationship’ baffles me because girls can’t wait around forever until boys are ‘ready;’ once a girl has moved on that is it.
This year I have decided to start a new chapter and embrace the single life. The image of being the cat lady (I don’t even like cats) is fading away. Life is for having fun and doing what you want, NOT worrying about finding a partner. I am still really young and have so many opportunities ahead; why do I need a boyfriend to make it complete? Girls, you do not need to focus on finding ‘the one.’ He will come at the right time when you have stopped searching. Just remember that whoever he may be, he will be lucky to have an amazing girl like you in his life. Who knows? Maybe the rumour that you will find love in the work place will be true. All I know is I will be loving life while having Chaka Khan’s `I’m Every Woman` on full blast.