Real Live College Guy Joe: What Guys Think If You’re Inexperienced

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 

 
I’m entering my freshman year of college, and I’ve never had a boyfriend.  I was always so busy with school, clubs, work, etc. during high school that I never had time for a boyfriend.  I didn’t hook up much either, so I don’t have a lot of experience with guys.  I’m scared that this is going to become a major problem in college.  What do college guys think of girls without a lot of experience?  Or girls that have never been in a relationship?  Should I lie and pretend I have had boyfriends and more experience, or should I tell them the truth?  Any advice on how to conceal my nerves and act like I know what I am doing?  Am I doomed to continue to have guy problems in college?
– Desperate in Delaware
 
Oh, Desperate.  What I wouldn’t give to stand in your quivering shoes, getting ready for your first college party, rifling through every outfit you own, brushing your teeth twenty-five times, only to find that every guy there will be too drunk to speak in common English syntax.  You have so much to learn.
 
Actually, you have one thing to learn.  College is, on the whole, a blank slate.  People don’t care about what you did in high school, how many boys you’ve dated, or if you used to be an axe-murderer.  Your classmates ended up at your school one way or another, and now that they are all together they just want to coexist in a fulfilling, sex-crazed way. 
 
That said, you don’t want to look too inexperienced.  If you’re standing alone in the corner, dressed in your Sunday best, wondering why all these guys and girls are kissing before marriage, you probably won’t be a guy’s top prospect.  But if you step intrepidly into the Solo Cup-wielding masses and flirt as if you were once Justin Bieber’s high-school crush, no one will ask how many guys you’ve been with.  They’ll just want to be added to the list.
 
I hope it’s been clear from the tone of this article that you won’t have trouble finding male companions in college.  In case it hasn’t, take this quiz: 1) If you were on a scale with a semi-truck, would the truck win? 2) Do you have a face (any kind of face at all, even penciled in)?  If the answers were “Yes,” or even “Maybe,” you’re good to go. 
 
Of course, some guys like the inexperienced thing.  It makes you a sort of prize, and if he wins you he can display you to everyone in his tribe or whatever guys do.  If you sense that a guy would appreciate a girl who hasn’t been around the block a few hundred times, then let the truth rain down from the mountaintops.  The same holds true if you find a similarly inexperienced guy or if you find – gasp! – a nice guy who doesn’t care about such nonsense.
 
Finally, there is the issue of virginity.  I won’t assume that you want to have sex in college, or ever, but a little knowledge won’t hurt.  There is, unfortunately, a stigma about virgins.  A very messy, painful, sheet-destroying, possibly emotionally damaging stigma.  Preferably, you will find a guy who cares about you and who knows all the right prayers to take that V-card off your hands.  And, don’t get me wrong, it is and should be a beautiful thing.  But, in case you want to just want to get it done with any guy with some kind of growth between his legs, please tell him beforehand that it is your first time.  He might say “no,” but that’s better than surprising him with a blood geyser that will be the talk of school for the next week.  And, please, bring your own sheets.
 
You don’t have to publicize your inexperience.  Go out, have fun, don’t be insanely clingy to the first guy that says “Hi” to you, and you’ll be fine. 
 

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