I roll with a good-sized group of girls now that I’m attending an all-women’s college, and we regularly head off campus into the rest of the Five College Area (that includes Mount Holyoke College, Smith College, Amherst College, UMass Amherst, and Hampshire College) in search of the one thing a Mount Holyoke education cannot offer us: guys. Preferably good-looking guys with good-looking friends who are over 5’10” and haven’t given in to the beer belly yet. Luckily for us, UMass Amherst, Hampshire College and Amherst College are only a bus ride away, so finding Mr. Right Now isn’t too difficult. However, there’s no guarantee he’ll come to you, so the best thing a girl can have is a well-trained Wingwoman.
This year I find myself in an unusual situation. My friends and I regularly move in a pack about seven girls deep, and for the first time, I am the only one who is dating someone at the moment. And because I am the only one who seems to have found what my friends like to call “The Perfect Relationship”, I am constantly looked to for help when one of my friends desperately wants to talk to a guy on the other side of the room but doesn’t know what to say, or do, and she’s way too shy and nervous to do it alone. To write this article, I devoted a weekend to helping my friend Jaime talk to different guys, honing my wingwoman technique and developing a few tips to share with all of you. Take them and use them to help your friends if you are already taken, or if you’re single, e-mail this article to your friends so they can have your back at any future party.
1. Do Not Let Your Friend Get Too Drunk.
Jaime is a lot of fun – she’s the sort of girl who works herself to a pulp all week, but the minute Thursday night rolls around, she’s blasting music in her room and digging in her closet for something cute to wear. She’s smart and goal-oriented but she also likes to party. And that partying almost always involves drinking. Now Jaime is by no means an alcoholic, but after a week of rigorous classes, she doesn’t hesitate to break out some wine and have a few drinks. Or a lot of drinks. And after too many drinks, anyone can be sloppy. You can’t let your friend get too drunk. There is a point when a drunk person stops being fun and starts being sloppy and unappealing. We’ve all seen it. No guy is interested in the girl who needs someone to hold her hair back all night, and if it even looks like that’s where the night is headed, he’s going to stay far away. Start your night off the right way and let your friend drink just enough to be relaxed, carefree, and happy. Shots should probably be avoided.
2. Don’t Let Hitting on Guys Become the Only Thing You Do.
I made this mistake freshman year once. A friend of mine and I had just gone through nasty break-ups and we were ferociously searching for a guy, any guy, to flirt with us and make us feel better about our ruined relationships. As a result, we were too bold, and we hit on every guy at the party. Needless to say, it became pretty clear how desperate we were (I still cringe thinking about it). My friend ended up making out with one too many people and being the joke of the night, while I escaped with just the embarrassing (and slightly fuzzy) memory and a lot of unknown numbers in my phone. Pick your prey, but be sure to have a good time too. Don’t approach the first hot guy you see when you walk through the door, and don’t let your friend do it either. Enter, look around, get a drink, dance for a while, and then insert yourself into a conversation somewhere when it’s easy. Don’t force anything. Jaime and I waltzed into a party feeling good and looking good, and we headed right onto the dance floor to break it down with some friends. It gave her a chance to look around, get her bearings and relax a bit. The most important part of this step is to ensure you and your friend are having a good time; you do not want her to be upset at the end of the night because your mission was unsuccessful. Make having fun your first goal and finding her a guy your second.
3. Let People See You Having Fun.
Jaime and I spent about an hour dancing and laughing with our friends before making any moves. As wingwoman, your job is to make sure your friend is having fun, because that will automatically draw people to her. Even in a room packed with college kids, it’s hard to overlook the large group of girls having a good time. No matter how good you look to begin with, you’ll look better smiling and laughing, and people (guys) will definitely pick up on it. And they did. Before we even thought about breaking away from the group and scoping out her interests, Jaime was approached by a guy who wanted to dance with her. Unfortunately he was a little creepy, but it just goes to show that she was catching some eyes. And the ego boost didn’t hurt either.
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4. Ease Into a Conversation, Then Pass it To Her.
After we tired of dancing, Jaime, a couple other girls, and I headed for the makeshift bar. We had some more to drink (I kept an eye on Jaime, making sure she watched her limit, like the good wingwoman I am) and looked around. Of course, as at any party, the bar was attracting a large group of people, and the majority of them seemed to be guys. When Jaime poked me in the ribs and nodded her head at a tall, surfer-blonde guy standing next to me, I made my move. In this sort of situation, I had an in. Girls get served easier at college parties than guys do, and the bro behind the bar was clearly more interested in feeding the girls beer than the other guys. And Surfer Guy wasn’t having any luck at all. “Hey, let me help you out,” I said, and waved at the “bartender”. He happily obliged, handing me a beer and a wink. I smiled and asked for a second one, which was also quickly handed over. I handed the extra one to Surfer Guy, and immediately we were friends. I introduced Jaime, and the conversation began. It’s not always this easy. But there are always opportunities, some better than others, and as wingwoman, it’s your job to take them.
5. Give Up The Spotlight. Surfer Guy turned out to be pretty nice, and he seemed to take a liking to Jaime, but I didn’t want to risk stealing her thunder. I hung around long enough to relate some funny college story that involved Jaime and myself, and then once they were laughing, I politely scooted away to use the restroom. Jaime shot me one scared look as I backed away, but I smiled and disappeared. Do not make the conversation about you. It can be tempting, but remember your purpose. The best way to move the attention onto your friend is to tell a funny story about her (nothing too embarrassing) or gently tease her about something cute, and get the guy to join in. Then once they’re laughing together, slip away. Odds are he’ll pick up where you left off, and if it gets awkward, she can just say she needs to go find you. Problem solved.
6. Don’t Glue Yourself To One Guy.
Jaime liked Surfer Guy and talked to him until I waved her over from the other side of the room. When she finally tore herself away she was all smiles. But I advised her to try talking to other people and see what other options she had. So we did. By the end of the night, we’d met Frat Boy 1 and Frat Boy 2, Skinny Lax Bro, Purple Robert (a freshman who spent way too long discussing his violet polo), and Mr. I Have My Own Name Tattooed on Me. They were all interesting in their own ways, and they were all definitely learning experiences. But Jaime was still stuck on Surfer Guy. It’s important to help your friend talk to the guys she likes, but don’t be afraid to get her talking to different types of people as well. Purple Robert wasn’t really Jaime’s type, but he ended up being the funniest guy we talked to all night, and he made Jaime feel like a beauty queen. In each situation we found some way to introduce ourselves, whether it was by asking where the bathroom was or “accidentally” bumping into him. Smooth? Maybe not. Successful? Yes.
At the end of our night, Surfer Guy found Jaime. I’d seen him glance her way a few times and knew he was noticing how many guys were flirting with her. That was key – he saw that other people wanted her too, and consequently, he wanted her more. Although he had gotten her number previously, there was no guarantee he’d actually use it. But when he found her again at the end of the night, he double-checked that he had it, subtly whispered something in her ear, and then not so subtly grabbed her and started making out with her (while I awkwardly waited nearby for them to finish). He texted her the next day and they have plans to hang out next weekend.
Being wingwoman for your friends can be annoying and difficult. It’s hard to give up all the attention so that your friend can meet someone. But it’s worth it, especially when it’s done well. Even though I didn’t give out my number or make out with a guy who naturally has highlights I would kill for, I had fun. I got to be the cool friend, the chill girl, and it was a whole new type of treatment from guys, a kind I liked. And Jamie got a guy! So maybe I won’t be the only one of my friends in a relationship for long. Only time will tell.