I come from a family where everyone gets married and starts having kids in their early 20’s. Some went to college. Some didn’t. Regardless, career seems to come second to growing up and starting a family. Naturally, I grew up thinking that would be my life; get married right out of college and start popping out babies. Because of those dreams, I always gave love the benefit of the doubt– trying to stay with my boyfriends as long as possible. I always thought, “This one might be the one.”
To be successful in my family’s eyes, I felt like I had to find “Mr. Right” as soon as possible. Coming to Ambrose just over two years ago, I still had that attitude. I hated going to family events because I was always questioned, “So, got a boyfriend yet?” or “Meet any nice guys down there in Iowa?” I tried to put up with it, but it really wore on me. So, when I met a guy from close to home, I dove headfirst into a long-distance relationship. He fit right in with my family, and everyone loved him, but the distance was really hard for me. I thought we could work it out though, and even after we began to fight all the time and I started to hear rumors that he might be cheating, I tried to stick it out.
However, the trust wasn’t there, and we pretty much completely stopped communicating, which made me angrier every hour I didn’t hear from him. Finally after just over a year, I ended it, and my family was pretty disappointed. In fact, my grandpa even told me that I’m just “too damn picky.” It seemed like they didn’t understand how hard that distance was to endure, especially knowing I would be starting graduate school soon. This summer, I got wrapped up in another long-distance relationship. He lives in my hometown—about 400 miles from Davenport. I do not know why I keep getting into these relationships, but I know I cannot be the only collegiette™ struggling through a long distance relationship.
For those of you who have been in, are in, or are considering a long-distance relationship, you can appreciate the difficulties the situation presents. College couples on different campuses struggle with social life. Can you trust each other when you go out with friends the other doesn’t know? Communication becomes difficult because you both have different schedules and it is not like you can just grab dinner in the cafeteria and chat a couple nights a week. Even visiting can become an issue because traveling is expensive, and chances are good that one or both of you don’t have a car at school. Still, so many of us cannot help but want to be with him and make the relationship work despite the obstacle of distance. So what can we do? I’ve found the best approach is talking it out with others in similar situations, and I put together a list of helpful strategies you can use to help your long-distance relationship bloom.
• Plan for the future: No, not your wedding date, like my grandparents try to do for me. Just for weekends when you can commit to visiting and, ultimately, a common end goal (since you probably don’t plan on being long-distance forever).
• Build trust: If you can make it through the first few months, only about 8 percent of long-distance relationships break up. Trust built in the initial part of the relationship is one of the most important factors.
• Use technology to REALLY communicate: This means Skype, texting, Facebook. Actually talk about your thoughts and feelings. Talk about your dreams and about your day. Talk about everything. However, be sure not to depend on the technology that is less personal. Maybe make an agreement to text less during the day so you actually have things to say when you Skype at night.
• Use snail mail sometimes: It is so much more personal, and really, who doesn’t love getting a card, letter, or care package?
• Avoid Dangerous Situations: You’re both going to go out and meet other people, but it isn’t controlling to set some boundaries. Let him know what you worry about, but be reasonable. Don’t forget to consider his concerns, either. Again – TRUST!!
• Stay Positive and Stay Busy: Don’t read into if he is having a bad day, and don’t stare at your phone waiting for that next text message. If you can communicate enough but still stay occupied, you won’t focus on how much you miss him. It is okay to be happy even when you’re apart.
So, long-distance relationships really can work in college. This gives me a lot of faith in love because obviously I’m expected to find that Mr. Right soon, and let’s be honest, I wouldn’t complain if I did. About a week ago though, I decided I really just needed to be single for now and figure out myself before I can handle a boy. So, despite my family’s traditional views, I’ve found myself worrying more about me and my future rather than what they want. And you know what? It feels great to be single! Even though I’m pretty sure I could make a long-distance relationship work with my ex, I feel secure where I am now. We are young, we are free, and we are in the most fun years of our lives.
These next couple years will probably be the last without huge life responsibilities. However, if you have found yourself in a long-distance relationship, take heart that it is possible to make it work! It might take a lot of time and effort, but what relationship doesn’t? This is just a little different than the traditional relationship. Maybe it won’t work out, but the most important thing is to follow your heart. Make sure you are making yourself happy before worrying about anyone else. When you find the right guy, you’ll know and it will be worth enduring the distance.