Growing up is hard. The process of becoming an “adult” means attaining self-sufficiency and stability. A week or so before my 20th birthday, I had this weird internal battle with myself about the pros and cons of “growing up.” On one hand, I’ve started to feel much more self-sufficient and like an active contributing member of society. On the other hand, as my teenage days crept to an end, I was still looking for decisions to be spoon-fed to me by my parents or close friends. I didn’t want to embrace the responsibility of being in charge of anything. I was meandering around waiting for orders to be given. For example, I didn’t know what I wanted to do for my birthday. I hate birthdays to begin with, but turning 20 was particularly difficult for me to process. The teenage era was going to be over forever. As my birthday crept closer and closer, I began analyzing where I was in my life. I thought about my friends and family, and how much change had taken place since my last birthday. Unfortunately, there has been a lot of turnover in friends, and I began thinking about why.
First off, maintaining friendships is really hard. The difficulty can vary greatly, but it is especially hard if the friendships are long distance. Second off, it seems as though people come into their own in college. They begin to mature and navigate towards different areas of interest than they may have had before. I have always had a very tight knit group of friends, which I think is partially due to attending small private schools my whole life, as well as my personality. I have had the same friends since kindergarten, with a random assortment added in over the years. Before I go on, I want to clarify the difference between a friend, and an acquaintance. A friend is that person that can tell you straight up if a dress makes you look as big as a house, if you’re hooking up with the wrong person (or people), who morning texts you because they know you like it, the person you accidentally dial when you go to call your mom, and the person that is by your side every Friday night to find the trouble you both love. Also, a shout out to my personal best friends’ attributes: the person who continues to send me hand written letters, who takes theme pictures that are super weird, a friend that stays up all night watching episodes of silly TV shows, and a friend that offers to do all of the driving on a 1000 mile road trip. On the other hand, acquaintances are people you like, but don’t necessarily go out of your way to text. They are friendly and fun to hang out with when they’re around but are not necessarily your go-to people. They’ll “like” your status and comment on the occasional picture, and pretend to care about your relationship issues in passing, but when it comes down to it, they just don’t have your back.
Okay, now that that is all nice and defined, I want to talk about why I think it is so hard to maintain friendships, even ones that I value so much. One reason for me is that I personally don’t drink alcohol (not because I’m not 21, but because I am allergic). Yeah, sucks to be me. Puking up stomach bile for three hours is not worth the sickly feeling I get from having a beer. Anyway, because I am Sober Sally 24/7 I have found it difficult to hang out with my friends when $h*!-Faced Saturday rolls around, and I am the D.D. every single effing night. Not being able to drink is very isolating due to the large interest exhibited by my eager beaver friends. Another reason other than drinking is that maintaining contact can be difficult due to hectic schedules. This generation seems to have very high expectations for themselves; their resumes must be so primped and polished that kicking back and relaxing becomes a scheduled block of time between @$$-kissing a future employer and applying to every top rated law school in the universe. Not a lot of free time is what I’m getting at. Add in a couple of time zone differences, a boyfriend on both ends, and getting homework done for those 18 credit hours you’re taking and you’re not looking at a lot of contact with your favorite people.
I’ve been trying to assess how to change this. Naturally, dropping out of school and becoming a modern day hippie has crossed my mind, but I think I’m going to stick it out and get a degree (in something or other). My friends seem to be taking that same route, but we can make an effort to reach out and maintain close contact, whether that is a weekly (or monthly) letter, a trip home every now again, or perhaps using the lovely tool of Skype to communicate face-to-face (kind of). Those friends are not worth letting go of, and they need you in their lives, just as much as you need them. I suggest taking a minute to evaluate where you are, and what your best friend is currently doing. I love sitting in class and getting a text from one of my best friends that makes me giggle uncontrollably (sorry, Prof. I’m just not listening).