“Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” warns moviegoers about the fear they may experience in the darkness of the theater, but they need not have bothered.
While it’s scary how poor the quality of this film is, the movie itself never quite reaches the zenith of hair-raising terror the filmmakers were hoping for.
All of the most basic, overdone elements of horror movie-making are here: a big, old house, a creepy little kid, a legend, extensive grounds and a foreboding groundskeeper. “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” presumably attempts to craft a fearsome cocktail but turns out sobering its viewers.
Katie Holmes is Kim, the girlfriend of Alex Hirst, a handsome interior designer played by Guy Pearce. Holmes’ appearance in this film is scary enough, considering she’s done little lately other than marry a wacky scientologist and have an eerily perfect child. She and said handsome designer boyfriend are moving into the giant house they’re renovating together, taking his reluctant daughter from a previous marriage with them.
His young daughter Sally is decidedly moody and pops Adderall pills between making snarky comments and throwing random tantrums. It isn’t long before she wanders the dusty, old mansion and finds a bolted ash pit in the basement. Her natural curiosity leads her to pry the vent off with relative ease and discover the creatures within who want to befriend her.
Or so they say.
Not to spoil the plot of this intricately laid horror “masterpiece,” but the ash pit creatures want something far more sinister than to share friendship bracelets and have sleepovers. Their true intentions soon become clear to the rather annoying and flat-in-personality Sally and she begins to fight against them, causing suspicions to rise upon her.
The major issue with “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” is it had the potential to be a horrifically scary movie, but it didn’t happen. It’s as if someone took the perfect pieces of a recipe, mixed up the proportions and baked it for too long.
From the overdramatic garden path strolls to the sullen, monotone soundtrack, “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” is as messy as the film’s mansion itself. Perhaps if someone had swept through the cutting room floor, they would have noticed how lacking it was, but sadly, no one did. Scarier than the squeaking mini-Gollums that threaten to scramble out of the holes in the wall is pitiful acting by Holmes and Pearce.
Maybe the monsters are to blame for sucking the emotion out of the actors’ lines, or maybe the finger should deservedly be pointed at the writers. Whispery, echoing voices of the mysterious monsters were more amusing than eerie, and the crafted creatures played a more significant role in the film than personality-vacuum Holmes or any of her counterparts.
This overdone disaster has its scary moments, but moviegoers would be better off skipping this flick and simply watching the trailer to get their kicks. The freakiest parts are all within the clean minute-and-a-half trailer, while the rest is drivel.
For what it’s worth, Kim takes the requisite trip to the library, where many a horror movie plot has thickened. After feverishly flipping through stacks of papers, the truth is revealed and she finds herself on Sally’s side.
The attempted twist at the end of the film is so predictable that it is laughable, though one of the members of the audience at Spotlight Cinemas in Orono simply responded by snoring.
As Halloween draws closer, big screen horror movies will improve. Perhaps the only thing moviegoers need to be afraid of is Hollywood — an ash pit of filmmaking detritus to rival any CGI monster to ever come crawling into a mansion.
Grade: D