Advice from a W&M Guy: Is Chivalry Dead? What Guys & Girls Need to Know

Is chivalry dead? That was the question posed to me by the lovely ladies of Her Campus. Having grown up in Atlanta, one of the great strongholds, at least in my mind, of chivalry in the country, I felt well enough informed to answer the question. Reluctantly, I had to admit to myself that chivalry, most unfortunately, is in its death throes. This is not to say, however, that a revival is impossible, quite the contrary. In fact, a few minor adjustments in our interactions with people could do wonders for bringing this genteel culture back as a social norm rather than anomaly.  For such a revival to occur though, it is necessary to understand some of the underlying reasons why a future with chivalry is in question. 
In the past 40 years or so, chivalry has gotten a bad rap. With the rise of feminism acts of chivalry were taken as a method by which males asserted their dominance over a “weaker sex”. This, speaking exclusively from experience, is hardly the case at all! Acts of chivalry, whether it be holding doors or carrying a shopping bag, are not done out of some since of superiority, but rather out a belief that a ladies comfort is more important than that of a man. This stems from the great respect that should be afforded women in society rather than a covert form of condescension.  
This negative view of chivalry is not, however, the main cause of its decline. Rather, it is the overwhelming apathy on the part of both men and women in society. Men, for example, have seemingly given up any desire to be considered chivalrous and as such have decided upon more negative interactions with women. For their part, though, women have come to the point of expecting that a man treat her as an “insert expletive of your choosing” rather than a lady.
So men, step up your game! If you really want to give a good impression, open a door, carry her bags–whatever! Just make sure she knows that she is 100% worth it. Ladies, don’t settle! If he doesn’t know how to act like a gentleman around you let it be known that that is unacceptable! 

Here are a few tips to get you started:  

Guys…

1. Hold the door… Always. If you know a lady is not far behind step to the side of the door and allow her to go first. Believe me; such a simple gesture will go a long way! Bonus points: Open and close her car door for her.
2. Pay for her meal gosh darn it!  Believe me the extra ten bucks you spend on a dinner is definitely worth it when you see her smile of surprise. Always try to pay with a card though; fumbling with money at the table is uncomfortable for her because it makes her more cognizant of the cost. 
3. Carry her bags! This is a no brainer! It doesn’t matter who you are with if they have two X chromosomes you had better be holding their bags. Exceptions include purses and shopping bags from exclusively feminine stores.
4. Mind your manners.  Date night is, despite what many men seem to believe, different from football night with the boys. This includes no talking or chewing with your mouth full. I personally guarantee the person you are with does not care to see your partially masticated food. Thank you. Also the standard rules of etiquette still apply.
5. Mind the language. Honestly, is there ever really a need to drop the F-bomb around a lady? I didn’t think so. 

Girls…

1. Notice improvements.  Despite a potentially negative stigma of being “sexist” or “whipped” guys like to be called chivalrous. If he is being chivalrous, and that’s unusual, thank him for it.
2. Act like a lady.  It would obviously be unfair to expect men to be the only well behaved ones. If this idea is a bit foreign to you, ask yourself if you would engage in some activity say smoking or swearing in front of a model gentleman’s parents.
3. Be open to chivalry.  Even you women’s studies majors out there can appreciate a nice gesture. If it’s not something you are used to, give it shot. You may find you like the civility of it.
4. Expect it.  Reward those guys who act chivalrous with your friendship. If a guy isn’t being chivalrous, give him the cold shoulder. Believe me, he’ll come around quickly and if he doesn’t, he is not worth your time.
5. …But be reasonable.  Don’t force chivalry on a guy. That’s a decision he has to make himself. Piling your bags on him while expecting him to open his wallet for everything makes you look high maintenance. A true lady will take acts of chivalry in stride while letting him do the work.