Ask Andi: I Just Broke Up With My Long-Term Boyfriend

Dear Andi,

This summer I recently broke up with my boyfriend.  We have been together for so long and he broke it off before we both went back to college. I have been down lately and I want to cheer up and get over him, but I don’t know how.

-Dumped and Down in the Dumps

Dear Dumped and Down in the Dumps,

Break-ups are hard. Nothing will heal the pain and settle the confusion and hurt except for time.  There is no overnight remedy to cure a broken heart, but when time is taking too long- there are ways to treat the symptoms of one.

Change it Up!

When you are with a guy for so long and he is suddenly gone, it is a drastic change.  You feel like everything around you is different and it makes you want to curl up and dwell in the past-don’t. Instead, embrace the change. Change is always difficult- but when it forces its way into your life for the worse, you must accept it and use it as a time to make positive changes. We all envision how we want our lives to be, but when things are great, we avoid change in fear of messing stuff up.  When things take a bad turn, redirect your life.  Now is the time to try that new restaurant, get that trendy haircut, sign up for a new exercise class- do it all.  When you make positive and healthy changes, your life will feel different, but in a new and refreshing way.  You don’t have to change who you are, but start trying new things and mix it up enough to get your mind off of the breakup. Make it just another change in your life as opposed to dwelling on that one change. Trying new things and going new places can lead to new opportunities and new friends.

Just Say Yes!

JersIn our earlier years, our parents and teachers told us to “just say no,” but there are times in life when you need to forget that and just say yes!  I’m not suggesting you do anything and everything you are asked; what I am suggesting is to embrace life’s daily opportunities.  When your heart is hurting, you want to shut out the world, but that is the worst thing you can do.  There are times when you’re busy, tired or in one of those “I feel like being alone” moods, but if your friend asks you to grab a bite on campus, the cutie in Comm 101 asks to study in Cook, or your roommate wants to go out- say yes this time.  If you give in to your desire to be alone, alone is exactly what you will be. Venture out. Even if you’re still miserable, you won’t be alone and miserable, and eventually the misery will start to fade.  Do not shut the world out.  It is still turning- with or without you- so dry your tears, wash your face, and go join it!

Start a New Relationship- With Yourself!

Whether or not you feel you did your proper part in your recently-ended relationship, everyone has room to work on themselves.  You could have a great relationship with yourself, or your lack of relationship with yourself could have been the reason for the bad turn in your love life.  Either way, everyone always needs to know and love themselves better each day.  The one person we remain with for the entirety of our existence is numero uno- ourselves!  Learn to love yourself.  Know your strengths and weaknesses. Know your values, fears, and goals.  The better you know and love yourself- the easier you can let others in.  

Try spending some time alone- just make sure it’s not listening to sad Taylor Swift songs and crying over photos. Pamper yourself, get active and healthy, and give yourself a treat like that new handbag at the mall or a Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino from Starbucks (yum).  Momma was right when she said you can’t love anyone until you love yourself and it works the other way around. Trust me; the sexiest thing about a person is if they are comfortable and confident with themselves.  When people see how great you care for yourself- they will see how healthy and at peace you are. Everyone wants to be around a positive person.  You deserve to be happy.  Plus, giving yourself some extra attention will feel great- the joy of giving and the thrill of receiving all in one!

Happiness is one of those things you can fake it until you make it.  I am not saying to hide your sadness from your loved ones, but I am saying to go out and enjoy yourself even though it doesn’t appeal to you right now.  I know happiness and healing can seem forever away, or even out of sight right now, but know that it is always darkest right before the sun comes up.  Even if you can’t see it- it’s in the horizon.

xoxo Andi