I have to begin by apologizing for my second lesson in last week’s post.
For those of you who did not read last week’s post, how dare you (in other words, please read it because it would make me really happy).
Okay, in all semi-seriousness, my second lesson was, “When a guy dumps you but says there is always a chance you could get back together, he is lying.”
While I still believe this is 99 percent true, I forgot one very important fact: this is The Bachelorette – of course he always comes back. After all my years of watching The Bachelorette, you think I would’ve known better. I feel as though I have let all of you (and my mother) down and jeopardized my self-given title of The Bachelorette expert, so I am deeply, truly, from the bottom of my The Bachelorette-loving/mocking heart, sorry. Please forgive me as Ashley will probably forgive Bentley.
If you have no idea what I’m referring to, then you have yet to see next week’s preview, in which Bentley apparently makes his return (just as Ashley was “getting over him” – isn’t that convenient?). Yeah, believe me: I don’t think my eyes have ever rolled as much as they did during that preview.
Even though many valuable love lessons can be learned from The Bachelorette, we’re going to have to take this advice with a grain of salt because real life and TV life are very, very different (I know: duh). If only all of our first dates involved kayaking through Thailand … (side note: Really, Ashley? No one except for Donald Trump and every other Bachelor/Bachelorette has had a first date this extravagant. Someone’s either really clueless and/or been living in The Bachelorette universe a little too long – I give a rose to both).
Let’s get on with the lessons, shall we?
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1. If you keep saying you’re over a guy, you’re probably not
Oh, Ashley. Poor, sweet, naïve Ashley.
I wish I had counted all of the times Ashley said something like this: “I’m still sad about Bentley, but I’m beginning to feel a little better,” “My heart is still aching from Bentley leaving, but I’m beginning to take a few steps forward,” or “I’m still in love with Bentley and think I could care about the other guys, but I’m going to look on the bright side because I’m getting paid to travel the world and have hot guys flatter me all day.”
Okay, she didn’t really say the last one, but you get my point.
Ashley could not stop talking about Bentley – even though it was mostly to say she was getting over him. Of course, in both the real world and The Bachelorette world, this means she’s not over him.
Stop trying to convince yourself that you are over him, Ashley. We all know it’s not true.
The most ironic part of this is that when Constantine asked Ashley how she stayed positive during The Bachelor, one of her answers was that she had to be honest with herself. If only she were honest with herself this time around.
If you don’t believe me that Ashley is still crazy for Bentley, Ashley even said, “In my mind, Phuket was going to be kind of like a fresh start, but I’m still thinking about Bentley, and I still think about Bentley when I’m on these dates.”
Ugh. If only I could slap her through the TV.
Lesson: If you keep saying you’re over someone, you’re most likely not. Sure, you can be excited and proud of yourself for finally getting over that jerk who broke your heart. But if you’re telling yourself you’re over him as much as Ashley said she’s over Bentley, you may want to question just how sincere (or in denial) you are.
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2. Don’t lead on guys you don’t like because you feel guilty
Ashley may have thought she was being nice by keeping an extra guy this week, but she was really not doing them any favors.
Honestly, do you really see Ashley ending up with Lucas (who acts more like a father figure than a boyfriend), Nick or Blake? I know I don’t, which is why she could’ve easily let them go this week.
But no, she decided to keep an extra guy because she wanted to make sure she hadn’t overlooked any awesome qualities they have that she’d missed (you know, because she was so blinded by her love for Bentley). Since this show takes place within the span of eight or nine weeks, the notion of Ashley wanting to get to know the guys really well doesn’t actually make a lot of sense, but what do I know? I’m just a girl who believes love comes after getting to know someone really well over a long period of time in a setting without cameras.
Ashley kept saying this week (not as much as saying she was getting over Bentley, but it was pretty close) that she felt guilty because the guys had probably been feeling neglected and worthless, and she felt she had “to give the guys what they deserve.” So, naturally, she decided to lead them on!
What they actually deserve is a woman who is honest with their feelings, not one who leads them on because she feels “they deserve it.” Alas, how can a woman be honest with their feelings when she’s not even honest with her own?
Ashley decided to pull the ingenious move of adding a rose to the ceremony, and West was the only guy sent out to the ominous limo. Unless Ashley becomes polyandrous, I hope she realizes that she eventually does have to send all but one of the guys home.
Lesson: Leading a guy on may make you feel better (and, temporarily, your guy), but it really isn’t doing him any favors. You’re just wasting his time (not mention yours). Let that fish go back into the treacherous sea of dating. He’ll probably hook up (Get it? Fish and hook? I’m so clever) with another fish soon, and then he’ll have forgotten all about how you broke up with him – unless, of course, you break up with him in front of a bunch of guys and on national television for millions of people to later watch as entertainment. Remember that difference between the real world and TV world?
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3. Don’t compare yourself to women in your boyfriend’s past
You shouldn’t compare yourself to any other woman, period, but I realize how hard it can be to resist that. So the best you may be able to do is to not compare yourself to other women in your guy’s past. Comparing yourself to his exes will only turn you into an insecure mess (see: our beloved Bachelorette).
Ashley has been comparing herself to other women since this season started. Her freak out last week? Caused because William joked about how he had thought Emily or Chantal would be the Bachelorette instead of her. I would’ve cried about the flat chest jokes, but to each her own.
This week, Ashley talked to some of the guys about their past relationships. This is nothing new in The Bachelorette universe, but one conversation was particularly compelling. Ashley talked to West about his deceased wife, and she said she was worried she would have big shoes to fill. Despite West’s claims that he had moved on and become a different person since his wife’s death, Ashley still showed him the door (or she just awkwardly stood in silence as West walked to the door, alone).
Ashley obviously has some insecurities, and she’s letting them get in the way of finding a great guy. She needs to focus on the guys, not the girls. What guy-seeking girl in her right mind would be concerned about women when she has 11 hot men to choose from? Can you tell I’m not so sure Ashley is going to find her TV happily ever after?
Hope may be near (it better be), as Ashley seemed a little more optimistic after talking with Lucas: “Talking to Lucas makes me feel a lot more hopeful that the guys are actually here for me, and maybe I shouldn’t worry as much.” Yes! No more worrying! Wait, Bentley is coming back next week? So much for that.
Lesson: There’s no need to compare yourself to women in his past. They’re in his past for a reason, and you’re in his present for a reason. Let it go, and enjoy the time you are spending with him now. If you keep wanting to know about his past, he will get annoyed and let you go (before you let him go for no good reason).
Who’s Left: Ames, Ben F., Constantine, Lucas, Ryan P., J.P., Nick, Mickey, Blake, William and Ben C.
Who Went Home: West
My Prediction for Top 4 (as of this week)*
Ames
J.P.
Ben C./Ben F. (I can’t decide)
William (this is a little bit of a wild card, but I’m going to go with it).
*If Bentley does return … goodbye, William.
Other Observations:
- Lesson #4: Find a guy named J.P., go to Thailand and make out in the rain. If you’ve seen this week’s episode, this should require no explanation.
- Nick and Ashley actually know each other better than we may think, even though their whole interaction was left for the credits. She’s even touched his soul patch (no, this is not a euphemism).
- I’m pretty sure Lucas said ‘Sweetie’ or ‘Sweetheart’ just as many times as Ashley said ‘Bentley’ this week.
- Hot guys + Helping kids = Well done, Ashley, well done.
- Does Chris Harrison age?
- Just because you ask an old, foreign man for love advice does not necessarily mean you should follow it. You’re on The Bachelorette, Ashley, not a character in Eat Pray Love (Does his advice to “forgive and forget” mean that Ashley will take Bentley back? Noooo!!!!!!!).
- Another pearl of wisdom that Ashley said this week is that she doesn’t want to make any more mistakes. Oh, Ashley, you’re on The Bachelorette. There’s practically a mistake quota of seven per episode. Plus, Bentley’s coming back next week, so that will probably up the quota to 15.
Who do you think should have gone home Monday night, collegiettes™? Am I being too harsh on Ashley (even though I do hope she finds the guy of her dreams)? Let us know, and I’ll see you back here next week!
Sources
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2011/03/ashley-hebert-getting-to-know-…
http://www.cominguprosesblog.com/2011/06/things-heat-up-with-ashley-and-…
http://bumpshack.com/2011/05/24/the-bachelorette-2011-ashley-hebert-full…
http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/2011/06/whats-on-tonight-go-down-easy/ashl…