Breaking up sucks. I used to think the characters in chick flicks who wouldn’t get out of bed when they had just broken up with someone were being overdramatic, but then I went through a break-up recently. And let me tell you, I wanted to do nothing more than cuddle up in blankets, listen to Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” on repeat (“We could have had it all…*sob*”), and bury my sorrows in chocolate.
Being newly single means a lot of things. My relationship wasn’t technically a “relationship”— more of a six-month-long consensual “like” that never became official. Even so, when I went out the weekend after we separated, I felt so free. I had never realized it, but my weekends had always consisted of putting him first. I would always worry about flirting with anyone else, or what he was doing and if we were going to meet up and…phew! Having fun, along with my sanity, kind of went out the window. But during my first officially single weekend, I looked my best and had fun for no one but myself. And that’s the best part about being single—you can put yourself 100% first again, and it feels fantastic.
Although it’s still hard, I’ve definitely moved past the pitiful stage. No more chocolate for this girl! Not only are my now-barely-fitting jeans thanking me, my brain is too. You can only stay in bed for so long before you start to realize you’re missing out on living by moping about some loser that doesn’t deserve your time. So time to leave the pity party—you’re single, baby!
Your newfound single status means making decisions for you and only you. So what does this open you up for? More fun, of course! Your new independent self can do all of this now:
1. Figure out your favorite things and who you are, separate from someone.
In Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts’ character realizes that her preference for how her eggs are cooked changes with every boyfriend she’s with. If he likes scrambled eggs, so does she. It takes until she breaks up with one of them to try out all the different ways to cook eggs and then determine her favorite kind. You may have your egg preference figured out, but now is a great time to do some deeper introspection. If you don’t know you, how will anyone else?
2. Go out as much as possible. Maximize contact, and meet as many new people as possible.
Staying in with your teddy bear is absolutely counterproductive. As much as you want to stay in and cuddle with Mr. Fuzzy, that will do nothing to get you on with your life. By keeping busy and having fun as an individual, you’ll discover new aspects of yourself and realize you don’t need anyone else to make you happy. Even introverts can do simple individual things like volunteering at an animal shelter and letting the puppies cheer you up. By coming to terms with who you are as a person, you’ll emerge a stronger, happier person.
3. Learn something new.
A great way to meet people with common interests, this opportunity also allows you to learn something you’ve always wanted to master. Bocce ball lessons, anyone?
4. Mix up your routine.
This is a perfect time to change your routine up. Find a new way to walk to class, get a haircut, try a new restaurant for lunch…celebrate the differences in the new and improved single you.
5. Travel!
Get out of town! As Carrie says in Sex and the City, “After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are…emotional landmines.” Not only is it a good idea to avoid these landmines, but going on a road trip either with the girls or alone is a ton of fun. And no checking in or missing anything because of boyfriends!
6. Go shopping.
If only we could get doctor’s notes for retail therapy…rocking new outfits is a sure prescription for feeling awesome.
7. Flirt with people.
That cute guy you’ve been eyeing? You have nothing stopping you. While you definitely shouldn’t jump back into the dating world while you’re still healing emotionally, getting yourself out there, and taking your mind off the ex with a few cute boys never hurts.
8. Make a dream board.
Break-ups are an eye-opening experience. While you’re working yourself back up from what feels like the absolute bottom, why not specify what you’re looking to build yourself up to? Cut out pictures of what you want your life to look like, like playing your favorite sport, being in killer shape, and owning fifty pairs of simply fabulous shoes. It can include guys, of course, but make it about you and your goals above all else.
9. Reflect on what you have learned from this relationship.
Eventually, you realize you’re better off without him anyway, but every relationship has its benefits, even if the guy wasn’t so great. Maybe you learned to communicate with another person in a more mature way. That little nugget of wisdom will improve all your future relationships.
The most important thing is to always stay positive. We learn from every boy we leave behind, and that leads us closer to an amazing relationship with our future Mr. Right.