This is the third article in a four part series on “The Drunken Hookup Double Standard.” Each article is dedicated to recognizing Sexual Assault Awareness Month. This piece looks at how guys respond to cases of alleged sexual assault and how blame and shame get passed around.
Dating coach, author and speaker Michael Hurst says when it comes to hooking up, he’s a stud and she’s a slut. But sometimes men have regrets too and how they deal with it is a little different than women.
“Both men and women have a tendency to use alcohol to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, including sex,” Hurst says. “However, there is the old-fashioned double standard where a guy is a stud for willingly having and enjoying sex while a woman is a slut for enjoying the same pleasures. This is at the root of the problem.”
And from there, it all becomes a blame game, full of slut-shaming and other name-calling.
According to Hurst, if a guy said a girl took advantage of him when he was drunk, all of his buddies would be right there to tell him he’s a wussy. Or something that rhymes with it. But name-calling doesn’t seem to have the same effect on guys as it does on girls.
A guy who gets taken advantage of might blame it on the booze, call her a slut, and be done with it. But in the same situation, a girl could use the double standard to her advantage by blaming the guy as a way to deal with any feelings of guilt or shame for having sex and avoid the “slut” label in the process. She wins. He loses.
But if she’s sober, he’s drunk, and they hook up, you’d think she’s to blame. Or at least that’s how it would be if the roles were reversed.
Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of the Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company,says, “Often guys ‘know what they’re doing’ when they’re drunk, but by legal standards, this wouldn’t necessarily matter if the roles were reversed. There’s a double standard here, but it’s generally accepted.”
In some ways, the drunken hookup double standard works in a girl’s favor, but that doesn’t mean we should take advantage of the situation. Some underlying issues don’t reflect too kindly on girls who take advantage of guys when they’re drunk.
And while girls might not have to worry about the legal system like guys do, the labeling system reserved for women won’t let anything slip by.
Sources
Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of the Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company
Michael Hurst, dating coach, author and speaker
http://www.becomethatguy.com/