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To Thine Own Self Be True: How to Spot a Bad Guy

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Sarah Moler
Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Leigh Maneri
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Quinnipiac chapter.

Yours truly just spent a week in the sun, sand and in the land of men. Spring Break is an amazing time to meet new people and for the single girl…. new and different types of guys. As a college senior, I decided to spend one of my last weeks of debauchery on a cruise that went from New York to Florida and two destinations in the Bahamas. The minute I walked onto the ship, I was made aware of all the possibilities when it came to the new men on the ship. Greek Letters, college sweatshirts and sports hats walked past me indicating the various places that the male passengers hailed from… it was going to be a GREAT trip.

The first day, my friends and I decided to get into the hot tub and relax in the sun. After spending some time in the tub laughing, talking and having a few drinks, up walk two boys. The first, asked if it was ok if he came in with us and the second just slides in the hot tub next to me.

Game on.  

Cute with a distinct Brooklyn accent, he immediately began telling me about his job and how excited he was to finally be on vacation. After talking for a few hours the boys told us that he had “VIP” for the night at the cruise nightclub and that we all should join. Brooklyn leaned in and whispered in my ear “especially you”.

That night, I entered Bliss (the club) and was immediately swept into VIP by Brooklyn. We danced, talked and had a few drinks but after a while a friend asked me to walk down to her room with her. I excused myself and Brooklyn with his sexiest voice leaned down and said “please don’t take too long because I am going to miss you.” I walked down with my friend, giddy with the attention and soon after we return to the club. Mystified, I find that Brooklyn is nowhere to be found. Then I turned and saw him walking hand in hand with another girl out of the club.

If this wasn’t a WTF moment I don’t know what it is, but it made me think about the types of guys I am attracted to and who I surround myself with. How can you spot a bad guy? How can you spot a good guy? After having this experience, I did some thinking about the types of obvious and not-so-obvious qualities a man has that tend to lend a hand to being a “heartbreaker.”

The Obvious Ones

  1. Usually has a certain “quality” about him- By this I mean he is usually OVERLY confident when dealing with women, almost to the point of seeming to know that he will be able to get with any girl he sees.
  2. He makes seemingly romantic or sexual statements within moments of meeting you-  “You are so incredibly beautiful” or “How did you get to be so sexy?” are frequent statements that come out of his mouth.
  3. He has a girlfriend, he was just making out with a girl, or he has a wedding ring on- Well….Duh

The Subtle Ones

  1. He checks out other girls while flirting with you- Yes, men tend to do stupid things but if this is someone you just met this is a HUGE sign that he’s a heartbreaker. He is looking for one thing and it is probably not to have an intellectual conversation with you.
  2. He insults his mother or sister- This SCREAMS disrespect and issues with women. NOTE: This is an interpretation thing. Light kidding is acceptable, even kind of cute. If what he said is something you would be uncomfortable with saying to a stranger about your own family then you really should rethink who you’re talking to.
  3. Chivalry is out the window-He walks in front of you, he doesn’t open doors for you, he doesn’t by you a drink. As silly and old fashioned it may seem,  a guy who shows you chivalry is interested in getting to know more than what the inside of your bedroom looks like.

The heartbreaker has a lot of cunning characteristics and tricks to pull you in. Hell, it happens to the best of us (including me) quite often.  The trick to dealing with the heartbreaker is first being able to spot them and second knowing what to do with them. I am not saying that the heartbreaker is someone you should avoid at all cost. The flattery and the kissing is not too shabby…. but don’t start picking out wedding china patterns when you first meet them.  


Wishing you the faith in yourself, the hope for your future and maybe a little bit of love.

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Leigh is a senior print journalism major and sociology minor at Quinnipiac University. She enjoys traveling, writing, photography, watching Sex and the City, going out on the town (of Hamden) and laughing with, and at her housemates. In the Summer of 2009, she interned in Los Angeles at Genlux Magazine and Red Light Public Relations. She studied in Barcelona in the Spring of 2010 where she learned the true importance of life from the Catalan people. She is a member of Alpha Chi Omega and was a recruitment counselor during formal sorority recruitment in February. It has been rumored that due to her consistent honesty, she has no secrets of her own. Leigh loves her university and is having the time of her life as a senior. She has only had a few minor freak-outs about her upcoming graduation to date.