Bottles and cans were scattered across the length of the coffee table and the kitchen floor was wet and dirty from tracked in snow. I was at my boyfriend’s house with a group of our friends.
A little after midnight, his roommate started picking up a few cans and dishes out of the living room while everyone else was playing cards around the kitchen table.
One of the guys told him to stop cleaning and join the rest of the group. Then he looked at me with a smirk and said, “Ally will clean it up tomorrow. That’s what girls do – cook and clean.”
He was teasing me, of course, probably just trying to get a rise out of me. I just shook my head and said, “Not this girl.”
But then one of the other girls at the table picked up on his comment and said, “That’s what girls should do – cook and clean and watch the kids.”
I didn’t exactly want to get into positive/negative ramifications of the women’s movement on a Saturday night, and I was about to leave anyways so I leaned over to my boyfriend and said, “That’s my cue to leave.”
To a point, I knew where she was coming from – she’s a young mother earning her degree from a community college. But my guess is that she resents having to get an education, having to do it all.
After all, wouldn’t it be easier to say forget college, forget having a career. Give me a husband, a cookbook and some laundry detergent and I’ll be set for life.
Is that what women should do? What does that mean for men?
My best friend, who I’ve known since high school, didn’t go to college because she wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She was expecting her future husband to be able to support her.
That was long before her darling boyfriend dropped out of college and the two of them got engaged. She might have to do it all too – work, raise a family, keep a house – without a college degree.
She’s never wanted a career.
But as I watch my mom, 53 and recently unemployed, try to find a decent job without any higher education, I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given, for the chances I’ve taken, and for the people who believed in me and inspired me to reach for something more.
I know what I need to do.