Got a burning love life q? Consult our Real Live College Guy (he also goes by Chase). Each month, our RLCG will take you inside the college guyâs brain to demystify your tricky, sticky, icky love (can you even call it that?) situations.
Ready? Here goes!
1) I was dating this guy for a couple of years- and it was a dream come true. We didn’t really seem to have any problems, but then I caught him cheating. I broke things off immediately, and itâs been over a year and a half since we last spoke, but all of a sudden he keeps trying to get in contact with me. He keeps telling me that he misses me. Do you think there’s any hope for guys breaking their cheating streaks? -Stumped at Stanford
Yikes, this is a tough one. Cheating doesnât mean something specific with guys. A great philosopher (myself) once said that when guys cheat itâs because of opportunity, while for girls itâs because of relationship dissatisfaction. The key is that when a guy cheats, it is not because he doesnât like you anymore or because he is some monstrous creature. Stop thinking that a guy is like a girl who would cheat as soon as she gets bored or dissatisfied. Guys think differently. Unconfident guys cheat to receive that boost to their ego; it can be depressing for them to be monogamous if they arenât used to handling serious relationships. While you may be perfect in every way, given the right opportunity, unconfident guys still love to have a new girl giggle at their stupid jokes and make them feel more wanted. Itâs only after cheating that these guys mature and realize what a mistake theyâve made.
Your situation, though, is a little more complicated. Guaranteed, now hear me, guaranteed, if you two really are meant to be and he really loves you for nothing more than you (i.e., not your money, looks, status, convenience), then he wonât cheat again. Be careful thoughâmake sure he isnât coming back because he feels bad, wants it off his conscience, or now believes âhe canât do any better.â If those are the reasons, he will probably cheat againâand you probably arenât meant to be. Otherwise, itâs likely he spent the year and a half fooling around and feeling âmanlyâ only to realize what he missed the most⊠you.
2) I’m a sophomore in college and still a virgin. I’m definitely not waiting âtil marriage, I just haven’t been in a relationship with someone long enough to get to that point. How long into the relationship do you tell someone you’re a virgin? Do you tell them at all? Also, if you’re hooking up with a guy and want to do “everything but”…what’s the best way to word it without bruising his ego but continuing the hook up? -Unsure at UVA
Truthfully, I donât think a guy would really care at all if you held out on sex for as long as you want as long as you remain honest and sexual. The first time you sneak off to his room and shirts go flying, mention your virginity, but be sure to explain that youâre not overly-Christian and your lady parts arenât surrounded by barbed wire. Tell him that you are just waiting for the right relationship with the right guy. If heâs not a jerk, heâs going to say he respects your choice and doesnât really care. Always tell him early though, so he can avoid looking like an idiot by waving a suggestive condom or awkwardly asking if âyouâre ready.â An important aspect to every relationship is its sexuality, so that still needs to be present. Instead of telling him you are ok with âeverything butâ go ahead and start doing âeverything but.â It will probably surprise him at first, but heâll definitely get the idea. He will gladly endure any amount of time, but be sure to tell him when youâre ready (if ever) since he probably wonât want to push you.