As a feminist, I seek media that features women who are empowered, treat other women with respect and make empowered decisions. “Gilmore Girls” appears to be just that, and in some way it is, but in many others, it isn’t.
Spoiler Alert: there are lots of spoilers in this article so I would recommend watching the show first.
For those of you who haven’t seen the show, it focuses on Lorelai Gilmore, a single mother in her 30s, and her teenage daughter whose name is also Lorelai Gilmore but goes by Rory. Lorelai and Rory are best friends first and family second. As they trot around their small Connecticut town, Stars Hollow, they navigate their often disastrous love lives and Rory’s ambitions to go to Harvard University. The series opens with Rory getting accepted to a prestigious private high school in Hartford, but the only problem is that the tuition is more than what Lorelei can afford on her inn manager salary. Lorelai is left with one option — she has to ask her estranged wealthy parents for money. They begrudgingly agree under the condition that Lorelai and Rory come to their house for dinner every Friday. As Rory discovers life in the ritzy upper class to be more challenging than life in slow Stars Hallow, her mother tries to grapple with her complicated relationship with her parents and her crippling coffee addiction. Along with a wacky cast of Star Hallow locals, a wide array of fleeting love interests and Luke’s Diner food always at the ready, watch as these women simply live their lives.
Two young women living together, having a good time, breaking hearts, seems like a recipe for great television, which it is. I’m stating now that it’s a great, binge-worthy, lovely show, which I love dearly. But there are some serious problems with it.
The devolution of Rory
In season one, Rory is very different than the girl in season seven or even season five. This is more than simple character development, but rather a complete change in the tenets she holds dear. However, I shouldn’t be surprised because Rory repeatedly abandons her family, friends and schooling for male attention first episode, but luckily her mother sets her priorities straight. Take season one, episode one, for example. The series begins with Chilton accepting Rory, a stepping stone to her ultimate dream of attending Harvard. But once Rory meets Dean, the newest and cutest boy at her small, provincial local high school, Rory refuses to attend Chilton. She childishly begs her mother to stay at her current school at the expense of her future for the affections of some boy. Luckily Lorelai talks sense into Rory’s thick skull and convinces her that her education and future are far more important than some boy. What message is that sending young women? One should abandon their passions for the presence of men and not even a very kind one at that? This happening on the very first episode of the series sets a tone for the remaining episodes. Rory, although she claims to focus on her passions, is deluded by base passions.
Rory follows this pattern repeatedly. On the day of her mother’s graduation from college, Rory ditches school and flitters off to New York City and shops with Dean for the day, despite how poorly he treated her. She ignores all her responsibilities at the expense of her relationship with her mother for some silly desire to be impulsive. And then, in her apology to her mother, she acts like a martyr, chastising herself for poor decisions she continues to make.
The final straw, in my opinion, for Rory’s character is when she has sex with Dean (season four, episode 22) while he is married to his wife. This is not to blame her for Dean’s lack of control or infidelity or general unpleasantness, but rather I’m criticizing her justification of her actions. Rory thinks she has some claim over Dean because she dated him first, and he claims to be unhappy in his marriage (well of course he is, he’s a terrible husband). In reality, she’s just the other woman.
n my opinion, this defining moment indicates that Rory’s terrible mistakes have her down the wrong road. In the next season, she meets Logan (which I don’t believe is the driving force behind these mistakes, but I’ll explain later), decides to “take a break” from Yale and gets arrested. All of it makes me lose respect for Rory’s character. She is no longer the driven, determined, thoughtful person that viewers fell in love with. She is selfish and misguided and alienates the people who care about her most, like her mother.
Logan was the best boyfriend
Now, I am by no means claiming that he is the perfect boyfriend, but I think that out of all three – Dean, Jess, and Logan – he is the best match. Rory needs a bit of a fixer-upper in a boyfriend. She likes to feel smart in a relationship, and she likes when her partners revel in all her ability; therefore, she needs a boy that will appreciate those qualities but not necessarily have them himself. Logan possesses this, but he also understands Rory’s need to put her education first, which neither Dean nor Jess understood. Dean is far too much of a small-town-jock for Rory, and Jess, although I liked him, leads a far too unstable life for Rory, who craves stability.
Although Logan is privileged and leads a life Rory may not fit into, he is not a jerk and does not abandon Rory during her fall from grace. While Rory is living in her grandparent’s pool house after she dropped out of Yale – the rich version of living in her parent’s basement – Logan does not judge her or criticize her choices. Out of everyone, he understands her desire to get away and find herself the most. He does it himself several times throughout the series. But the standard “rich person” in the show dismisses those closest to them once they fall from grace. For example, once Lorelei becomes pregnant and runs away to Stars Hallow to live her independent but simple life, she is ostracized and rejected from a society that once embraced her. Logan does not do this. He accepts Rory despite all her missteps because he’s taken them himself.
Despite Logan and Rory eventually breaking up, I still love his character dearly because the break-up was not his fault, and in my opinion, the only break-up that was mostly Rory’s fault. Logan and Rory break up because she rejects his marriage proposal. She doesn’t want that commitment quite yet and doesn’t want to sacrifice her dream job. The show frames this as some ultimatum like there is no universe in which she can have both. Logan, in my opinion, does everything right. He creates a future for them both and is ready to commit to her, but she is the one that bungles it up. And she knows she does too, because in the reboot, “Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life,” she is still pining after him. I don’t blame her – Logan is a very handsome man.
Paris is the best of best friends
Granted, they have a rocky start. But a person who is willing to overcome a childhood feud to create a mutually satisfying and constructive friendship is a quality person. Paris craves all that Rory has – a caring mother who’s involved, a happy household and an encouraging family – and sees Rory as her world’s antithesis. Paris is vulnerable to Rory in a way she isn’t to everyone else, and all Rory does in return is desire to get away from her. In season four, episode two, Rory is aggravated to learn that Paris is her college roommate after she thought that she escaped Paris’s company after she graduated from high school. But if it hadn’t been for Paris, who knows where Rory would have ended up. Rory doesn’t admit it, but Paris pushes her in a way she wasn’t used to being challenged before attending Chilton. Paris, more than any other character, understands and relates to Rory’s passion for school (that is until she drops out) and unwavering dedication to her future. Paris not only pushes Rory academically, but she also pushes her socially. Once they get to college, Paris is the one who suggests they go to Florida for spring break and party (season four, episode 17). Paris is the one who gets Rory to go to parties while in college. Paris is also the one pushing Rory to figure her future out when their senior year of college is ending (season seven episode 12). She is framed as the crazy one in the series, but I think she is the most realistic of them all.
Lorelai and Luke’s relationship is so boring
There are many loves in Lorelai’s life, but her relationship with Luke is by far the least interesting to me. In all honesty, I skip their drama when I re-watch the show. The show is set up such that he is the main love interest, but the show doesn’t get there until season five, episode four. Their relationship is such an obvious plot point to me that it makes me wonder why I care about all these other love interests for Lorelai. I know in the long term nothing is going to materialize from the other relationships. And then when they do date, nothing really happens. Their relationship is one long cycle of breakups and getting back together with no real conclusion in sight. It’s like a Ross-and-Rachel situation but way less entertaining. I’m not sure how Lorelai puts up with dating Luke for years with no talk of marriage. Even when the reboot starts, they still aren’t married, and when they do get married, I simply don’t care.
It’s true. I do have some scathing things to say about this early 2000s small-town drama, but that isn’t to say I don’t dearly love the show. I grew up alongside Rory. I watched her struggle through high school while I was also struggling. I watched as she went off to college as I was packing to leave home too. A show with this many hot takes must be good.