Friends are the family that we get to choose. They make us laugh, help us when we are hurt and are the shoulders we cry on. Friends have our best interest at heart, but what happens when a friend starts acting like they don’t?
It’s difficult to understand how a friend that you trust becomes someone who brings you down. In learning about toxic behaviors in those who surround you, it is important to take the necessary steps to put some distance and focus on what brings happiness to your life.
Here are five signs of a toxic friend and solutions to rid your life of their toxic energy:
You feel down around them
When around this friend in question, you begin to feel negatively or immediately in a bad mood. Maybe they started saying hurtful things about themselves or they even criticized something about you, but one thing is for sure: the energy around you has completely changed for the worse
They make you feel less than them
Imagine this: you are meeting your friend for coffee. It has been a while and you are so excited to catch up. You had an amazing opportunity this past weekend to see your favorite artist in concert! You begin to tell them about it but they keep making backhanded comments to degrade you. It seems like they have begun competing with your own experiences. They have completely changed the conversation to be about them and what they did this weekend. It feels like they wanted to seem better than you. A hierarchy has been built by them because they want to feel above you.
Friends don’t bring friends down nor do they make the friendship a cutthroat competition.
What they say negatively impacts you
This goes hand in hand with the previous reason, however it takes it a step further.
Maybe they make comments on your style or weight. They made a backhanded comment about something personal that you are insecure about. They brush it off and move on with the conversation but in your mind, what they said hurt you and lingers.
Friends say hurtful things sometimes, we are all human. However, when a friend purposely says something mean and does not apologize when they know it hurts you, it is toxic behavior.
Your boundaries are not respected by them
Everyone’s boundaries are different, but they should be respected–– always.
They gaslight and manipulate you to cross your boundaries. While it sounds extreme or intense, it can be as simple as punching your arm when you have told them that you do not like being touched. Maybe they use your things without asking or they just make you feel weird when they say certain things. When you confront them, they may tell you that you are being too sensitive, or you are crazy. This is gaslighting and it is toxic.
You question why you are friends with them
If you are reading this article, the question has crossed your mind. Something that they do just does not sit right, and that goes to show that something is not right in the friendship.
Maybe they make you feel like a bad friend for focusing on school or yourself instead of them. Maybe they say insults and cover them with the statement “It was a joke!” Either way, this person is not good for your mental health. It is time to recognize this behavior and put it to rest for your mental wellness.
You can overcome this! Here’s how:
Trust your instincts
When you know, you know. Friends gravitate to each other based on how well they get along: maybe they had an enemies to besties story or they just clicked when they first met. Either way, it is important to recognize the difference between someone who enhances the friendship’s energy and someone who leeches off it.
Focus on yourself, then on friends that bring positivity to your life
It is said time and time again: mental health is important. If they make you feel or think negatively about yourself, put some emotional distance (maybe some physical, too) between you and them. Spend time with the friends that bring happiness into your life. Most importantly, spend time with yourself, focusing on what matters most to you.
Think about where the friendship is going
They say that the friends you meet in college are the ones you have forever. A pretty cliché statement, but one that applies to helping rid your life of toxic friends. When one thinks about the future, they often think of a successful career, happiness and milestones.
Where do your current friends fit into your future? Do you see them smiling, happy for you? Or do you recognize that they do not have your best interests at heart now and they probably will not in the future?
Extract yourself from the friendship
In a sense, this is a platonic breakup and it is not easy. But if you know that they hurt you, it is the solution. They may notice that you have put distance between the two of you and begin to argue. You have the right to tell them how they make you feel and how it is not good for your mental health. You also have the right to cut them off.
You deserve a life filled with great friendships
No one ever wants to have toxic people in their life but it’s just a part of reality sometimes. By recognizing these red flags and using these solutions, you can rid your life of this negativity. You are the only one who can have a say in your life: own it and don’t look back.