I’m proud to say that I have a very good “vibe radar.” Most of the time, I am able to attribute a person to the vibes I think they radiate after a pretty short encounter. Since it’s finally the best time of the year, Halloween, I thought I would apply my phenomenal “vibe check” skills to some of the classic candies we see this time of year and assess them as college students I see every day on campus.
Kit-Kats
Kit-Kats are the type of people you see once walking around campus and think they’re incredibly cool. They carry themselves with a lot of confidence, but they never bring other people down at that expense. They’re very kind and caring and would definitely hold your hair back for you, even if they don’t know you. You’re going to have a huge friend crush on them, but sadly you may always feel out of their friend’s league.
Toblerone
Toblerones are toxic homewreckers. This is the classic Jess from “Gilmore Girls,” Chuck Bass from “Gossip Girl,” or Kyle Scheible from “Lady Bird.” Yeah, we all know those people on campus. They are bad news (and you know it) but will definitely have you swooning. You’ll bump into them one night out, exchange phone numbers, and that will be the end. If you end up actually leaving the sneaky link phase with them (which is practically impossible), they’ll make sure to keep their Saturdays for the boys. Just don’t be too upset if you see your situationship getting with someone else on the dance floor at Press Play even though they were the one who invited you.
Sour Patch Kids
These are the class clowns that everyone is in love with, either romantically or platonically.. The professor and the class love them, and they can get away with saying pretty much anything. They make great in-class friends and will always say hi if they see you on campus. Because they’re so hilarious, they tend to be invited to all the functions. They seem to equally radiate and attract positive energy. Odds are, although they may not be conventionally attractive, you’ll have a huge crush on them. (Sour Patch Watermelons if they’re extra special…)
Candy Corn
This is the kid in your class who is kind of strange but is always there, kind of like candy corn every spooky season. They carry a faint body-odor smell with them and seem to always have greasy hair, and they either are the first ones to class or shamelessly show up a few minutes late. They’re nice enough and definitely like to talk a lot. The problem is that they also somehow get a little too far into your business with follow-up questions leaving you feeling a little uncomfortable. Sometimes they’ll say some pretty out-of-pocket things, like mention they have a snail in their backpack.
Hershey Bar
The Hershey Bar, much like their campus counterparts, are a classic part of the experience. They know everyone is obsessed with them, and they act like it. These people have huge egos, and you never see them on campus without an army of friends behind them or a Greek formal shirt on. The sad part is, Hershey Bars often put others down to make themselves feel better. A Hershey Bar would get a little too comfortable with your significant other because unfortunately it’s still hard not to like them.
So this Halloween, when you finally sit down with your newly acquired mountain of candy, make sure to go through and see which “people” with whom you’re spending the night. Although this is only a description of five types of candy, I would argue every single type of candy has a personality, and it’s pretty entertaining to try to match personality with candy. Try it out this season.