Grief is a complicated feeling. After a year of grieving, I still don’t get it. There are a lot of things I’ve learned about myself throughout this journey, but I would like to share some of the perspectives that have helped me deal with my emotions better.
This was somebody I held close to my heart, asked for advice and my confidant. I had so many emotions that day, wondering why this happened to me, wishing I could have said goodbye. Never did I think I would go through so much pain. Grief changed me, made me a lot stronger, and definitely opened up my eyes to the world and things I didn’t think about before.
In the last 12 months, my days have been up and downs. Some days I’m sad, thinking about her, looking through pictures or our conversations last year with congratulatory messages or daily laughs. Some days I’m angry that she left me. She was supposed to see me off to university, see my dorm, and give me daily advice for University or tackling my 20’s. She was supposed to see my university graduation and see me married. Other days I just want to be by myself out of fear. Because I don’t want to start new friendships and have something bad happen to them. The thought of going through the same emotion I did before
A quote I have been using this year has really helped me cope with grief in a better way,
The loss of a cousin,
“My eyes filled up with tears as I heard the news.
It never occurred to me how much I could lose.
I find myself wishing that it wasn’t real.
Every time I think about it, pain is all I can feel.
Tears fall from my eyes; I can barely see,
But my heart tells me that he’ll always be with me.
I will love and miss him forever,
Until the day we are again together.
Together in that perfect place above,
Filled with caring, sharing, and love,
But until that day comes–I will wipe my tears away
And hope to see him again someday.”
by: Colette N. Alaniz