2022 has been branded as the year of change. Some say it is the year that we can go back to dating as we were pre-covid, whilst others have sworn off romance and are committing themselves to their Reputation era. Personally, the idea of a reset sounds perfect, but not necessarily just with how I tackle the outside world- I fancy a rejigging how I treat myself.
Coming to the realisation that you want to work on the bond you have with yourself is great, but how the heck do we actually redefine our inner conversations? Fear not! Years of therapy and trial and error have paid off, allowing me to share what I’ve learnt in this step-by-step guide on how to redefine the most important relationship in your life.
1. Clean a space in your room.
Every step that follows this is contingent on the fact that you have a sage and cozy space because, unfortunately, our parents were right when they said that a tidy space equals a tidy mind.
If hearing this makes you want to run away, hold on! I understand the feeling that comes with facing a room that hasn’t had some love in a while and I know that asking you to tackle all of it when you feel rotten can be extremely overwhelming, so here’s what you can do instead: tidy a tiny space in your room. I’m talking just large enough for you to sit cross-legged with a blanket around you or some pillows on your lap.
This space can be on the floor, on your bed, or at a desk. Now just tackle that area. Don’t be tempted to tackle other areas if that feels overwhelming; just tidy your spot and let yourself sit in that success.
2. Tell yourself why you wanted to redefine how you love yourself.
Grab a journal or your laptop and write out why you’re reading this article. Is it because you just fancied refreshing how you perceive yourself? Were you holding negative feelings towards yourself or your life? Have you just gone through something really difficult, like a breakup or moving to a new place? Whatever your reasons, write them out as they come to mind and try to ignore any worries you may have about sounding weak or emotional – your little corner of the world is a judgment-free zone!
3. Write a little list of things you find interesting and want to try out.
How you fill the time that you spend within yourself is an important part of defining how you feel. If we spent all our time with our friends arguing, we’d describe those relationships as needing to change to heal and the same applies here. Unfortunately, finding out what works for each of us takes a bit of trial and error, so write out a few things that you’ve always considered trying, or been told to consider, and let’s find out what you truly want to do with your time. Here are some examples:
- Reading
- Meditating
- Ice skating
- Playing an instrument
- Running
- Writing (as you can see, this one worked for me!)
- Crocheting
The list is endless, but the overall aim is to have a list of things that you haven’t done but would like to try, even if that excitement comes with a bit of nervousness.
4. Set out how you plan to do them.
Creating lists might make us feel good in the moment, but the way we exist day to day won’t be changed without consistent effort. To really get started, we need a plan on how to incorporate these new habits into our lives. You could do this by blocking out some time each week to practice one of your hobbies or by booking a session at your local ice rink or indoor climbing centre right now. The idea is to commit some time to try out activities that feed your happiness.
But there is a catch. Some of the best activities take some perseverance before they throw some joy at you. Crafting or physical activities take time and patience and anyone that has ever tried to meditate knows that every day can be different. So don’t let yourself quit before you’ve started. If you’ve worked on something for 4 hours over the course of two or three weeks, and you still feel no draw to it, then feel free to step away. Until then, keep at it as if it were your calling because that is the best way to find what is really calling to you.
5. Commit to regularly reflecting and resetting.
Growth takes both time and constant readjustments. Don’t wait till next January before you reassess how you feel within yourself because it is likely that you’ll have given up actively taking a role in the relationship you hold with yourself by that point. Instead, commit to writing a short check-in daily or weekly and consider whether activities should be continued or swapped out for another. If you get to the end of your list without success, don’t be disheartened! There are millions of activities of all kinds in the world and there will be something that pulls your face into a smile when you think about it so research, reset, and start again.
This process isn’t quick, and you may have to go through each step several times before you feel like you have made real, permanent changes in your life. But each time you commit to sitting inside yourself and making yourself happy, the relationship you hold with yourself will become just that little bit more loving and trustworthy.
Show up for yourself – you’re worth it.