There’s some merit behind those cheesy sayings that tell us that we inevitably have to love ourselves first before loving someone else. I think this is because when we love ourselves, we learn how we need to be loved and we come to know the type of love that we deserve.
It’s easy to stumble into an obscure perception of love before we have this realization, so maybe that’s where part of the saying “falling in love” comes from. But just as easily as we tumble into these all-consuming feelings, we can fall back out, too afraid to ever take the plunge again. If this is where you find yourself—in the in-between of falling and having fallen—then hopefully there’s a piece of consolation in this article that will give you some kind of solace. Hopefully, you can find this solace in falling in love with yourself first.
The first step in this endeavor is meeting someone new; not a new person, but the new you. The new someone that you’ve become as a result of going through what you’ve gone through. It’s common to think that you have to go back to the old you, the person that you were before these types of lessons, but it is important to remember that you are a different person now because of them. Reintroducing yourself to yourself takes time. What kinds of things make you happy now? What kinds of things won’t you tolerate moving forward? Sometimes it takes a little distance, to fully realize your new interests and disinterests—so give yourself some space. The trick is to coax yourself into this new being, whilst simultaneously introducing yourself to them.
The next step is treating yourself; it’s treating the new version of yourself that you’ve just met. Have you begun to figure out the things that make you happy? Good, now act on them. Take yourself out on dates that reflect your interests. Does being out in nature make you happy? Great, then treat yourself on a nice walk along a local trail. Immerse yourself in the scenery and maybe grab some Starbucks for the trip. Are you an avid sushi lover? Perfect, then pick up your favourite couple of rolls, set up a cozy candle-lit dinner, and throw on that movie or TV series that you’ve been itching to get into. Figure out the things that you love, find ways to give them to yourself, and watch how you slowly start to love yourself and your own company.
The third step is consistency. It’s constantly repeating both steps one and two as you are constantly developing as a person, and that person is constantly worthy of celebration. If you do this, your next fall will hold a different kind of oblivion. Not the kind that is blind, that is a stumble because you were ushered into a false manifestation of love, but the kind that happens spontaneously. The kind that happens naturally and seamlessly while you are caught up with yourself. The kind that you let envelop you because its intentions match the expectations that you meet for yourself. This is the kind of love that you welcome when you learn to love yourself first —the love that you deserve. And if this love doesn’t find its way to you promptly, or if you come to realize it’s not something that you want at all, that’s okay too. This article is about welcoming true love and that kind of love can most certainly be enough coming from only you.