To Tinder or not to Tinder? That is the dating question…

College is the first time where people can really begin to experiment with dating and sexuality, but as exciting as that is, it is equally terrifying. I knew that this was a topic I wanted to delve deeper into, but first I needed to understand the real question. Why is it that my friends and I talk about wanting a relationship, and to date, but we run away at the thought of actually committing to getting to know someone, or refuse to be the one to make the first move, and are left forever questioning what could have been? 

To gain some insight into how my peers feel about this topic I took to my Instagram, and got some pretty funny responses from my followers. All college-aged, and from various schools. Most took the form of atrocious pick up lines, and others as cringy stories…

From insta: best + worst tinder experiences

• “My friend got asked to kill all the government birds together” 
• “A guy messaged me and my friend the same exact message at the same time”
• “I used to use the line ‘pee pee poo poo’ to get guys and that’s how I got my boyfriend. A lot of guys liked it”
• “Girl are you a toaster because I want you turned on and in the bath with me”
• “Currently filing a complaint with trip advisor bc they didn’t list you as the best place to eat out”
• “One time a guy I didn’t match with found my insta, snap, and twitter (wtf) and kept messaging me. To be fair I gave in and went on a date with him. Just as creepy in real life”
• “Went on a date with a guy (i’m a lesbian) went horribly, felt like community service” 

After hearing what these gals had to say I took to the internet to look into the data on this, and surprisingly there is a significant amount of research done on dating and hookups. When looking at the numbers it seems that young people are getting into long-term relationships later in life, and marrying even later, so the pressure to commit to someone is lessening. However, hookup-culture has filled that rift, with at least 72% of college students having used Tinder at some point in their college years. This is an app that promotes hookups by having the only real deciding factor in swiping right be physical appearance. I’ve seen girls swipe through their deck at an ungodly speed, only to confess that they don’t bother looking at the bios. 

At least 72% of college students have used Tinder at some point in their college years

https://lendedu.com/blog/tinder-match-millennials/

This shift in relationships and hookups could be due to our society becoming more progressive, as women today have greater roles in society, and career opportunities. While there is feminism and empowerment in hookups there is also a lot of anxiety. Statistically, our generation is having less and less sex, so the majority of college freshmen start their university years not sexually active, which adds this pressure to “catch up.” Additionally, the twin-xl beds, and brothers-only frat parties further foster this culture. Collegiate men don’t have to carry the consequences of hookups in the same way that women do, as there is still much inequality in sexuality. A bad sexual experience can leave women feeling ashamed and afraid, while a good experience leaves her empowered, but she takes that risk every time she agrees to meet Jake from Tinder. 

Even though hookup culture seems to be the reality, many women still go into these one-night stands or sneaky-links thinking that it could lead to something more. Which means that my friends and I are not alone in wanting something more. So, do we accept that this is our reality? Chad can’t change? I think that a lot of problems lie in dating apps. It is clear that Tinder, and other platforms like Bumble only promote hookups, which is great if that’s your goal, but you aren’t going to find much more from it. 

Girls swipe through these guys knowing it probably won’t turn into anything, but hold on to that hope that maybe it’ll be different. The majority of Tinder dates I’ve gone on, and the stories I’ve heard always provide a good laugh, but not usually a second date. The alternative to online dating is scary; meeting people in person, having to actually be brave and make small talk with a stranger— it sounds terrible, but at least you can “swipe” in real life, instead of suffering through another hour long coffee date with him scrolling through his camera roll. 

This is not to say it is impossible to meet someone worthy through a dating app, I think we all know people that it has worked out for, but for every one of those relationships there are ten others who continue to swipe. I guess the only solution is to be brave. Slide into those DMs, respectfully of course; go up to the cute guy in your class; make the first move on that person in your friend group you can’t get a read on. The worst thing that could happen is that you get rejected, and you’re too hot to let that get you down. 

Despite the frustrations hookup culture and dating apps may bring, you do get a lot of stories out of them, for better or for worse.  

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