To all the college girls out there, I have a few pieces of (late) New Year’s advice for you. First of all, if you are like me, a nearly 20-year-old sophomore, remember that after this semester, you will officially be halfway through your undergraduate degree. Let that sink in, and more importantly, use that information wisely. Secondly, close your eyes and picture the five people closest to you in your life at the moment. This is your support group, your first-calls when a crisis strikes.
Fingers crossed, I hope that the person you are thinking of right now is not someone who you met a few months ago on Tinder or at a college bar in the name of “harmless fun” and a “good time.” Let me instead hope that the people who sprung to mind are loyal companions, acquaintances who enjoy your dashing company or honestly, just people you trust. When I think about the people closest to me, all of them are females.
Unless you are dating the person you are convinced will either turn into a future spouse or long term partner, the reality is whoever you are thinking about constantly will one day just be someone you “used to hangout with.” Whether we are in relationships or not, we turn into a background figure in at least someone’s story, but there is a security that female friendships provide when all else fails. Who texts you to make sure you got home safely or laughs about your ridiculous mistakes from the night before? I’ll take a guess and say it’s not them.
In the media, there is a large focus on a woman’s romantic endeavors in her 20s, the countless men she will meet by happen-chance or the dozen bad dates a woman will suffer through before she finds “the one.” However, it is in the experience of my friends and I that romance is not at the forefront of our college experiences, but rather the little moments.
By the little moments, I, of course, mean the late night dinners bonding over crappy dorm food, sunny day walks across campus or the glorious hour of getting ready, dancing to music and laughing about something you’ll forget by the time you actually go out. Chances are, these are the things you are partaking in with your closest gals.
In Dolly Alderton’s memoir “Everything I Know About Love,” she talks about her failed relationships, drunken mishaps and every impactful event that made her the loud and hilarious writer she is today. Yet, the memoir is not about love, or at least the romantic love that she is assumed to be speaking on. Instead, almost every chapter comes back to her best friend, Farly, whom she calls the love of her life; through all of her mistakes and lessons learned, Farly is the most loyal, always Dolly’s first call and the only one she really wants to talk to at the end of the day. After years of flings, Alderton says, “Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt in my long-term friendships with women.” From the memories made from a night on the town to coffee runs between classes, like Dolly, I have realized that rather than searching for romance, I ought to care for the women in my life right now, with whom I am making the bulk of my memories.
I love rom-coms as much as the next girl, but even when they try to make the focus on boy-meets-girl, I’m always invested in the protagonist’s friends, as well. Carrie Fisher as Marie in “When Harry Met Sally” or Kathryn Hahn as Michelle in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” are not main characters, yet they are essential to get Sally to Harry and Andie to Benjamin. Unfortunately, these women are forgotten by the time the leads end up happily in love! Why is friendship seen as only a supporting factor to the formation of a romantic relationship rather than something to be honored on its own?
Take “Sex and the City,” a show which has been called anti-femininst by people who say that the women in the show are defined by their relationships. I disagree. Contrarily, “Sex and the City” should be lifted up as the quintessential feminist creation for it emboldens each of the four women to choose how they want their romance in their own time. Every episode follows Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha as they navigate their boy troubles, sex questions and adulthood crises. However, what is the common theme at the end of every episode? Sunday brunch. No matter how “in love” each of the women claim to be with their current suitor, they will make Sunday brunch without a doubt. Why? Because even in the midst of their movie-like romances, they don’t forget the ones who supported them from the beginning and gave them advice along the way.
Women understand each other in a way that is lost in male friendships. When your female friends cry, you console them not only because you care, but because you can see yourself in their pain. Women are bonded by experiences that don’t have to be spoken to know they are shared: heartbreak, friend break-ups, jealousy, fitting in or that weighted feeling of not being enough. We’ve all been there, so it’s easier to comfort the girl who is going through it now (especially if you were the one holding her hand through it last time).
Female friendships are sustained because even when life shakes a woman around, she can be comforted to know that something stronger remains — a bond of trust and genuine care. My friends and I have talked about how it is easier to open up with each other because we don’t feel judged; instead, we are embraced by someone familiar, a woman who is eerily similar to ourselves.
The dazzling women you will meet throughout the course of your life most likely mean much more than any man you’ve ever dated or chatted with, so if you’re at a loss for a new-year goal, try this one: keep the people you love close and keep on squeezing them through it all.