The phrase “lowering your standards” has a bad connotation. At first glance, it implies that someone has let go and no longer cares enough to set expectations for themselves or others. I see how this can be misleading. However, there’s a difference between the standards you set for yourself and the ones you set for others. Moreover, impossibly high standards aren’t going to lead to personal growth, regardless of who they’re set for. I’m hoping that by the end of this article, you may see the phrase “lowering your standards” in a different light.
I’ve always been the type of person who puts 100% effort into everything that I do. I love that I’m a motivated, driven person. Though I’ve found that this motivation often translates into setting incredibly high standards for my own performance: academically, socially, generally, you name it, I’ve always set the bar pretty high for myself.
These standards are great when I can actually attain them. The problem arises when I can’t. Unachieved standards have left me with feelings of inadequacy and regret. The issue with setting unrealistic personal standards for ourselves is that we are crushed when we can’t meet them. It’s disheartening when you think you’ve done well on an exam, and then you find out it didn’t go as planned. Or when you think you can complete x number of tasks on your to-do list and only get through half of them, it’s not fun. I’ve been there, and so have most Type A personalities.
The disappointment of not living up to a personal standard is usually easy to get over. However, if you’ve consistently struggled to meet your goals in a particular area, setting the bar too high can actually squash your motivation. A fear of disappointment may prevent you from attempting new challenges or stop you from starting a new task entirely.
This is where lowering the personal standards you’ve set for yourself can be beneficial. If you’ve consistently struggled to meet your original goal, it’s probably a sign that the goal needs to be reevaluated. It’s like the “running a marathon” spiel. You start by running a portion of the distance, and gradually work up to practicing the entire thing. Personal standards should be approached in the same way. If you consistently can’t study or exercise for the original amount of time you planned to, try lowering the amount marginally and adjusting your overall schedule. This approach seems logical, but we tirelessly beat ourselves up for using it. Lowering our standards is often viewed as a failure, despite the critical thinking that goes into the approach.
In order to actually come to terms with lowering our standards, we should look at the process as an opportunity to improve. Adjusting the goal post ensures that you’ll consistently be motivated to keep trying. You can also avoid the wave of disappointment that occurs when you can’t fulfill unrealistic expectations.
At the end of the day, you’re the author of your own goals. There is nothing wrong with lowering and editing your standards until they’re attainable. As long as you’re moving in the right direction, it doesn’t matter if your standards changed along the way.