You know all the songs about falling in love?
You always see it portrayed in the media; all the stories about finding “the one” regardless of whether or not it’s something you can actually relate to.
I have been getting really nostalgic lately considering the fact that I will be graduating sooner rather than later and transitioning into the next chapter of my life.
I had grown up and gone to college in my hometown. Somewhat unfortunate, considering the fact that I’ve been DYING to move away since I was twelve or thirteen.
The sudden realization that I will very soon no longer be in such close proximity to many of the people I currently call friends and will inevitably fall out of touch has been…somewhat disconcerting.
Don’t get me wrong: I am very grateful to have met these people and have been fortunate in finding so many friends for life at IUP. But I am mourning the loss of literal closeness.
There is, however, one exception.
We’ve known each other since the summer of 2016. We seemed to “click” really well but have fallen in and out of touch for a plethora of reasons; mostly because we’ve always lived several states away.
But something seemed to shift in our relationship in April of last year.
Since then, he’s consistently been the first person I’ve turned to for support. He was the first person I told when my grandmother was dying, and he helped to guide me through the grieving process more than I ever expected.
He’s my best friend, and I never wanted to do or say anything that would ruin anything in that regard.
I’ve always been very honest, but I am also very non-confrontational. I guard myself and my feelings closely.
And I do mean closely.
Despite that, we’ve always had a very deep mutual understanding. I never wanted to attach myself to someone so permanently until after I had the means and methods of moving out of Indiana.
We agreed the shift from platonic to romantic interest happened in April. I spent entirely too much time carefully constructing the timeline of our relationship whereas he had stopped questioning it.
I just had yet to confront the fact myself.
Initially, I was adamant that nothing super serious would be occurring until AFTER I had settled down in Pittsburgh. I had been offered a place at the internship of my dreams in December. I had a whole five-year plan in my head and would not allow anyone or anything to get in the way of that.
Especially myself.
However, I have also realized the only thing getting in the way of me and the happiness I deserve has been me and me alone and subsequently come to the conclusion that I am a whole-ass clown.
I was never one for romantic cliches either.