Ending Friendships is Self Care

How do you define self-care? 

I’m sure your mind immediately goes to a well-earned trip to the mall, a relaxing spa day, or a skin care routine that takes more than five minutes. And while splurging on a new pair of earrings, in my opinion, is always good for the soul, I think there are a few other ways of giving your mind and body what it really needs. 

Self-care means doing things for yourself that allow you to feel better. It means prioritizing yourself, even for a moment, in order to better yourself. 

Reflecting on all the facials, manicures, and impulsive Amazon buys I’ve done in the name of “self-care,” the best thing I have ever done for myself isn’t any of these things.

My best act of self-care, by far, has been removing people from my life that didn’t make me feel good about myself. That’s right, I think ending friendships is the ultimate act of self-care.

I don’t mean to just go around and start dropping all of your friends. What I’m trying to say is that sometimes we attribute stress and anxiety to school, work, or stuff going on back home. We get so caught up in pinning the blame on homework that we don’t pay attention to the fact that maybe our bad friends are causing our anxiety. 

This is of course retrospective. It’s easy to know that you had crappy friends after you have already distanced yourself from them. But what are the warning signs to look out for?

1. They don’t take your feelings into consideration. 

Consideration, kindness, and respect are the cornerstones to any good relationship. If you constantly find yourself feeling disrespected, like your friend isn’t listening, or just doesn’t care about what you have to say, is that really a friend? 

2. They make you feel like shit about yourself. 

Not too long ago, I had this friend that was always making jokes about me. The way I did my makeup, what I wore, what I said… At first, I would just laugh it off. But as time went on, I realized that these weren’t just jokes. They were rude opinions disguised as a “joke” to make it seem less rude. And even though it was supposed to be a “joke,” it just left me feeling insecure, sad, and embarrassed. 

3. You can’t trust them to keep a secret.

This is a big one for me, and always the number one red flag that causes me to reevaluate a friendship. If you have to constantly censor yourself because you don’t trust your friend to keep something between yourselves, either talk to your friend about your lack of trust in them or end the friendship! 

4. You’ve just grown apart. 

Sometimes, there isn’t one definitive reason as to why a friendship ends. There’s no backstabbing or lying or mistrust. Sometimes, people just grow up and grow apart. And that’s okay too. 

There’s a quote from Sex and the City that I have been thinking about a lot– “some love stories aren’t epic novels, some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.”

Though Carrie Bradshaw was talking about romantic relationships, I think it applies to every relationship in your life, especially friendships. 

Though I am grateful that some friendships are over, for whatever reason, I am also grateful for every moment I had with them. I think every person comes into your life for a reason. Maybe that reason is to show you new experiences (both negative and positive), bring you comfort, or just to make you smile when you really need to. Sometimes you only need these friendships for a short while. 

But as people change and grow, sometimes it is hard to grow with them. And that’s okay. 

Friendships wax and wane, and some go away forever. Even so, it doesn’t mean your time together as friends was any less special. And now that it is over, you have time to make new friends. Friends that value you, support you, and have your best interests in mind. Friends that make you feel good about yourself, and who care about your happiness. Isn’t that what self-care is all about? 

• friendship
• self-care
• toxic friendships