This week, I said goodbye to a long-term relationship. I believe every connection you have in life, whether with a close friend or romantic partner, exists to teach you something. Even though it is very necessary to wallow and be sad as needed, I’m also finding that reflecting on what you’ve gained with that person is very healing.
One of the most important things I’ve learned during this relationship is the difference between love and possession. In loving someone, you don’t need to own them. You don’t need them to be in your life forever. Sometimes, the truest act of love is walking away and still holding all of those pure feelings from afar. Love isn’t suffocating. Having the ability to let go for the good of someone you care about is brave. Possession is selfish. Love is selfless.
I’ve also learned that patience is a key element in love. We live in a time where immediate gratification is almost always expected. Long-term relationships don’t always give you that. When two people love each other enough to take all their walls down and be completely vulnerable, the result isn’t always comfortable. It can be hard to work through feelings that come up when honesty is brought to the table. Practicing patience in these times brings so much peace, whereas immediately getting frustrated and wishing for another outcome only leads to judgment and hard feelings. Patience will always lead you to the right outcome, even if that outcome is saying goodbye.
Finally, this experience has taught me that relationships act as mirrors. The things that trigger you about your partner are things that also exist in yourself. The hard things your partner shares with you may also exist in you. Sometimes it feels easy to become frustrated with someone over their behavior. I’ve learned that it is very necessary to take an honest look in the mirror and see how the exact same things you found frustrating are actually just reflections of things you need to deal with in yourself. When you think of it this way, it is so much easier to maintain a kind, understanding relationship. It has helped me keep all negative feelings in my situation away.
If you are going through a similar experience, know that expansion and growth in your life require discomfort. All of the anxiety and pain that comes with a breakup also brings an opportunity to learn something new and welcome better situations into your life. The best thing you can do in every scenario is approach it with love. It will always lead to a better outcome.