Have you ever met someone that felt like your soulmate, but platonically? There are some people that you meet in your life that feel like you’ve known them for years or you know they are going to stick around and be a part of your future. Maybe you think they are your twin flame, or you’ve finally met someone that shares the same passions as you. Friendships can be tricky, but sometimes you just know when someone fits into your life, aka you felt a platonic spark. But what is platonic love, and how does that instant spark affect friendships?
According to a Women’s Health article, a deep platonic connection has high levels of trust, shared vulnerability, and reciprocated effort. Platonic connections can be all-encompassing and just as complicated as romantic relationships because there is a similar level of intimacy and shared two-way support.
What is a platonic spark?
As we all know, friendship breakups are the absolute worst. People that you think are going to be a part of your life forever are suddenly strangers. Thinking back to when you first met them, was there an effortless connection, or was it merely a convenient friendship that formed out of maybe mutual friends or similar settings? This effortless connection, or platonic spark, is what can be the deciding factor in a long-lasting friendship.
Carmel Jones, a relationship expert, tells Her Campus, “Platonic sparks are those wild ‘larger than life’ feelings we get when we meet someone and instantly connect with them, but on a platonic level. Have you ever met someone that you’ve had a ‘friend’ crush on instantly? That is what I’d define as a platonic spark.”
Where do platonic sparks come from?
Just like significant others, you can be holding onto the relationship or friendship because you think there is a spark, but in reality, you are holding onto the idea of having someone by your side. According to a 2016 study by the University of Kansas, humans have an innate desire to seek friendships of like-mindedness, which might mean thinking someone is a good friend because you share similarities with one another. However, a strong friendship doesn’t have to fight for those similarities — instead, they have a platonic spark or mutual bond beyond those common interests or passions.
Distinguishing between friendships that fit into your life due to a common interest or convenience and friendships based on a platonic spark can be challenging. Knowing when there is a platonic spark can help you surround yourself with quality people that are both like-minded and have that deep connection that allows friendships to last. Jones continues, “You know it’s a platonic spark when you feel that butterfly feeling after hanging out with them. You want to impress them but not in a way that you want them to feel sexually attracted. It’s a feeling of being understood by someone else, that they are on your plane and understand your level. You likely have had similar life experiences or have a lot in common when it comes to your ideals, values, and morals.”
According to Mind Body Green, you know you share a platonic spark with someone when:
- There is an instant connection. Whether it feels like you’ve known them for ages or there is simply no awkward stage when you meet them, friendships that are based on a platonic spark don’t need extra work to build a connection, and you’ll understand that as soon as you meet them.
- You understand each other beyond a surface level. This understanding allows for you to feel comfortable with one another and connect on a deeper level — you feel seen. Some people might call this a kindred spirit.
- The friendship is easy and effortless. You don’t have to force a conversation or ask them to put more effort into the relationship. (However, just because a friendship is effortless doesn’t mean you should stop trying to maintain it. To maintain a friendship, you have to put in the time, loyalty, support, and investment to keep that strong connection.)
- They help you learn and grow as an individual. Platonic sparks are deep-rooted. You resonate with one another, so you’re able to lift each other up and better each other.
So, you aren’t crazy if you ever felt like you’ve known someone for your whole life and you clicked instantly — that was just a platonic spark. Finding someone that you share a platonic spark with is refreshing, and shouldn’t be taken for granted. Act on that platonic connection, whether that be asking them out for coffee or inviting them over for a reality TV watch party. Navigating friendships is difficult, but knowing when a connection is effortless helps you surround yourself with quality friends.